I officially sold my car today. It's gone. It was a MINI Cooper, which was a wedding present from H (he surprised me by selling his car for the down payment and secured financing on it before we even got to the dealership. It was unbelievably sweet.) That was 4 years ago, almost to the day.
I started crying this morning as I was cleaning the car out of all my personal belongings and haven't stopped since. Among the stuff I found in the glovebox was the original paperwork and the receipt from the sale of his car. I absolutely broke down.
Is this Acceptance? Finally I "get" that he's gone, that the M is over? God, I hope so because I can't live like this much longer.
He's been very sweet the past 2 days. Yesterday he took the truck to a mechanic to make sure it's safe before I get it, which will delay me getting it for a couple days. I literally have no car right now. He apologized and texted me "I know you think I don't care about you but I do. I just want to make sure you are safe". And then today he texted to ask if the MINI was officially gone and when I told him it was, he texted (referring to the reason we got the car in the first place) " I just wanted you to be happy. I just want you to be okay and safe."
This is the first time I can see my old H coming out of the fog and it's terrifying. It's terrifying that he may come out on the other side and still not want to be M to me. And I have zero control of it.
I was doing great up until today. I don't know if I have ever cried this much in my life. My eyes are literally swollen to the point I can barely see. I don't understand WHY now???? It's just a car! He's supposed to drop the truck off tomorrow, and I need to figure out how to escape so I don't see him. I don't know if I could hold it together.
I have continued to DB as much as possible. I don't respond to every text- I'm neighbor friendly with him, etc. no R talk. CLEARLY I am not detached. I desperately want to be.
Someone please just tell me how to heal. I feel like I take 2 steps forward and 50 back.
Last edited by artsy; 07/02/1402:18 AM.
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
