Hi Ben. I agree I need to have goals. I do have goals for myself but have not thought about goals for us. I guess because again I'm living in fear! I'm afraid to set goals that include him because I'm afraid I won't reach them. Pretty ridiculous now that I see that written. Can one of the goals be that he doesn't bring up D or telling the kids?!?! aahhhh, that really is my biggest fear...
Good for you for having a good date with your W!
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
What if your goal was to have a conversation with him in which (regardless of topic) you managed to act as if you were calm about whatever comes up and could even manage a bit of a smile?
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Can one of the goals be that he doesn't bring up D or telling the kids?!?!
I dont think that would be a good goal because you cant control what he does. You might be able to influence it a bit but not to that extent. Set something simple. Maybe for your vacation:
1) Dont bring up the R at all 2) Try some light flirting 3) Have a great time no matter what happens with H
Those are just examples but they have to be something that you can affect.
M:33 W:30 T:10 M:2 B/D: 5/27/14 S: 5/28/14 Wife moved back in 7/18/14
I was kidding about him not bringing up D or tell the kids...I know that isn't a realistic goal...just a hope!
I don't know when I became a "go big or go home" girl but you guys are both right...simple goals is the way to go. Ben, 2 of your 3 were goals I've already discussed with my IC!
I leave tomorrow! He will be flying in on the 14th, this gives me time to relax and get into "vacation mode." He's told me in the past he likes me better up there because I'm more laid back...DUH! Who isn't more relaxed on vacation!! Will work on some additional goals as well and see what I come up with.
Thank you all for your input!
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
Have been having a good time on vacation for the most part, but as it closer to the day H arrives the knot in my stomach gets bigger. I realuze that is because I have not detached nearly as much as I thought I had. It is easy to feel detached when I don't see him ever. I also feel like he's pulled back since I got here. He has been in cintact with the girls, but not me. Not even to ask about the house. I'm trying not to become negative, but it's hard not to think that my marriage really is over. I have about 5 days before he gets here so I hope to pull myself out of this funk and focus on my goals.
1) be positive and happy. 2) any emotional breakdowns will be in private 3) do fun things 4) invite h to do something but do it regardless of dhat he does 5) be friendly and warm 6) make an effort to look good 7) remember I will be ok no matter what.
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
6.5 hours until I see my H for the first time in 5 months. Very stressful! He has done a geat job not making any contact with me since Ive been here. We'll see how it goes. Will try to focus on my goals!
I have been having a good time on vacation, bbqs, casino, dinners, a little canoeing....even started painting the trim of our house. I was out way to late last night but I want to get the house nice and clean and myself put together before H gets here! Wish me luck!
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
