Today went well with very little thought about W, OM, D, etc. I still wish there was another way but it's her free will. The more I work on my issues, the more I see that she hasn't been happy. I do not think it was all me though. Talking with people that know her and us well, has put on a new light. She has always been selfish and self centered. I have always just given in. Had I had boundaries, that may have prevented this or may have caused greater conflict. I see now that the first half of our marriage was a power struggle; one that I caved into. I know I had a lot of anger and it wasn't handled well; I'd gone to the wrong ICs and used the wrong meds. On again, off again happy pills did a number on me. My sexual addiction was really bad but to this day W knows only a small amount. I know that did a number on my interactions with her.
I finally have a solutions based IC to help. We are working on a few things. I'm still seeing my pastor regularly. Just got paired up with a FMO member to help with the porn issues. I'm not having much of a struggle yet but I want to head of and future problems.
Will she had not fully moved into OM's apartment, her change of address with the post office and new bedding sent to that address tells me all I need to know. She still has not filed D. According to my mom (mediator), she's been given more wrong advice. She thinks we need to tell the boys what's going on first as if it'll happen fast and make any difference to the way things are right now. She also has been told that when she files with the court, they will assign a mediator too us. I bet he'll do a great job; not. It took 30 seconds for me to find 10 mediators in the area.
She also told mom how shocked she was that I took those boxes out to her van Sunday. Also shocked that I was able to find out about her gmail email address and PO box address. Again lied that gmail was old and forgotten about (despite change of password Saturday). Also lied that she was working in a different store last Monday (cell phone bill shows she was at OM's).
Trying to have a PMA, and GAL. Going to a BIL's house for the family 4th party. W is working and won't be there. Have a Ukulele group gathering the following weekend. Will be taking lessons. Planning the vacation for the boys and I. Hotel is booked and park tickets purchased.
Been talking to a young woman... a lot. Have nagging thoughts in the back of my head that I should not do this. It helps with PMA and getting mind off W, A, OM, D, etc.
