Wife in MLC and getting ready to leave #6

[ForeverYoung]

First, it's a retrospective or "Backwards looking" diagnosis. We don't KNOW if it's MLC or WAS until we are way way into the journey...we may think it's a MLC and therefore miss out on the opportunities that exist for US to become better people b/c hey, "it's not me, it's THEM"...

Thanks 25. Since there is no official medical diagnosis for MLC, I guess we’ll never know for sure if our spouse is/has gone through a MLC… who’s to say, right? But sometimes, when you look at all the facts, compare them to other situations, (like the one’s here) a crisis seems pretty clear.

I agree that rushing to apply the MLC label is unhelpful. But MLC does happen, and knowing what one is dealing with can be helpful.

This is why Michele has a special chapter about it for us!

SOME people come here, wanting the MLC label so they do not have to change a thing in THEM.

Fair enough. But look also at all the fine folks right here on this board who HAVE made wonderful changes in themselves. The MLC label is not a get out of jail free card to most of us. Just a way to better understand what our spouses are going through. I find understanding what my W is dealing with to cause me to have more compassion for her. And it gives me greater strength to stand (not still!) for my marriage instead of giving up too easily.

Sometimes, it really is more about our spouses issues than it is about our failures. You do know that MLC can hit even marriages with the most wonderful, loving spouses, no ?

This is not to say Personal Growth is not important... there is always room for improvement. Just that we only need to own our stuff. If our spouse is truly in crisis, most of that stuff is theirs.

Many times I have seen an LBS here, spend enormous amounts of energy to label their spouse as MLC.

I've seen this a few times too, but I don’t know why anyone would want to do it. Like Michele says, MLC takes much longer to work through than non MLC issues.