My H gave me the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" type speech a few weeks ago after I got angry with him that he had been acting distant for about a month. I only got this after I pushed to know what was going on and then he also gave me a list of things that he didn't like about me and the R. I took his words to heart and thought a lot about what I wanted to change or thought I could change. I felt his list of things were not dealbreaker items, but things we could tackle together as a team. When I said this to him he said he was not motivated to change or work and just didn't feel the same about me or the R. I asked what he wanted and he said he didn't know but didn't know how or if the problems could be repaired.
About two weeks went by with me trying to GAL, do 180, and show that I was ready for some changes. He was mostly cold and distant though did show that he was surprised at my changes.
After 2 weeks of this I couldn't take the coldness anymore, him staying out late and not knowing where he was, sleeping in the same bed but not touching and that sort of thing, and I gently pressed him for more talking.
He said he wanted "space" so I suggested gently that he move out to one of his open rental properties for a while to re-assess. He agreed. He arranged for a short term rental apartment for 6 weeks.
He moved the next day and we parted amicably. Though I was very unhappy about the situation I tried to play it cool and be friendly and upbeat. We did have a few joint crying sessions but for the most part he was cold and distant and I did some talking about how we had such a nice R and friendship. A little pleading I must admit.
The next day I got curious and snooped and found out that he has been very interested in a woman he works with for about 2 months or so. They have been flirting and going out drinking after work, although nothing has "happened yet" he is looking forward to it very much. When friends asked him if he thought this OW was clouding his decisions with me, he admitted it was probably true, but was focused on how he did not feel like "working on it" with me, but was excited for potential with the OW. He is also actively searching for a long term apartment, but did not tell me this.
I was livid when I discovered the OW, although I had suspected already after seeing them talking and laughing together at parties. I know that MY problem isn't the OW but I feel the situation with her is blocking him from interest in the R with me.
He never said that he wanted a D, he never said he wanted to split up, he never really said anything to me except that he needs space. But now I feel he thinks he is single and is pursuing women and long term housing while not communicating his intentions with me.
I had decided not to contact him at all as I was feeling like he needs space and time to think. But he sent me random text messages the day he moved out and now again today. I am not sure if I should reply? The last message said simply "hi".
Also his sister just contacted me and said "H just told me. I'm so sorry." But I'm not sure WHAT he told her. How should I reply?
I am quite confused and feeling really stressed. Does anyone have advice? I am working on myself, trying not to contact him and GAL. So far I have been a wreck but am keeping it together thanks to these boards and my good friends IRL.
I don't know how to handle these random messages from him and his sister... any advice on that?
Thanks so much for your advice and support! Love, Lisa
....................................................................................................................... Me: 32 H: 30 M: 4 no kids Bomb: June 18 Moved out: June 29
