Trying to stay afloat

[Thornton]

Gotcha.

I guess I could blow up my LRT is my worst fear.

According to LRT, you want to make them think you have had an awakening and are going to move on with or without them.

If I text her something friendly, does that negate the the feeling she might have about ME possibly moving on?

[Wonka]

Thorn,

We cross-posted.

LRT is the MOST often misunderstood and misapplied approach in DBing.

LRT is one when the spouse is totally and completely PREPARED to walk away from the M after all OTHER methods have been tried and not working. It is especially applicable if there's OW/OM in the picture. It seems that you don't have to contend with an OM since there's none, right.

[Thornton]

There is no OM. Thankfully.

My mom is still friends with WAW on Facebook and said she's been posting sad quotes. I dont look at her Facebook and I dont ask for specifics. But my mom said it's obvious she is struggling.

I agree it might be time to change things up a little bit.

[Mach1]

Mach and Spartan both seem to think I need to stay dark and let her do the contacting.

Not entirely true Thor...

My perspective is, that YOU were in no condition to handle the contact then. And that the least bit of contact would send you spinning like a Merry-go-Round at the first hint of it...

I completely agree that no contact isn't forever. It is only until YOU can handle it, without going full on pursuit with it...

I agree with Wonka, that something light and airy may be the way....

Yet ONLY if you can do that with ZERO expectations, and NO pursuing afterward....

Like..Happy Fourth of July and then chuck your phone in a lake...

KWIM ???

[Thornton]

I know what you mean. I've got some thinking to do.

Thanks for the advice.

[pilot]

A agree with the above posters Thorn. You have given 2 months of dark/nc. So she knows you are now at least not on your knees begging her to come back. Something light hearted cant hurt (at least much). But.............. You still need to detach.

[Ben2010]

So Thorn,
Speaking of some sort of communication. I thought about what it was at the beginning of our R that made her fall in love with me. What seems to have been the thing is my sweet text messages to her in the mornings. So this morning I decided to "try something different" and sent her a text message that said "good morning beautiful". Those are the kind of things that I used to say to her. She loved them. I only got a reply of "morning", but I still dont feel like it was a mistake. I know she will be thinking about it.

[pilot]

Thanks Pilot.

I think I needed that. It's like a pressure cooker. If you don't blow off steam, you'll explode.

I envy how easy it has been for you to detach so quickly. I wish that was something I could do better at.

Believe me it was not easy. It was the hardest thing I have done up till now. What probably helped more than anything was our S being 4 hours apart. Out of sight really helps. Out of mind takes effort. I was also emotionally exhausted by the time our S began. Living in the same house having to sit at home knowing where my W was with OM took so much out of me that I was on empty...almost a shell of a person. GAL has helped rebuilt my spirits, 180s are helping me improve my future, but detaching is what gets me through the days. It does take effort to not think about my W. There are plenty of times and opportunities where I can dwell on things but I force myself into distractions, and in no time the feelings pass.

Being detached has allowed me to be in high spirits, happy, funny, and basically my best foot forward during the times we have face to face contact. And she definitely has taken notice and upped her contact with me. I know contact with you two is tough because you do not have kids or any "reason" you have to maintain contact. So you probably have anxiety about when the next time you will interact. I feel for you on that. I know that every day I will either receive a text asking to Facetime with the kids, or I will have to send one asking. I also know the days I will see her when we swap kids. That does help a bit.

Keep it up, and give the light hearted text a shot and see what happens. No more than one every few days though IMO. If she does not reply, then send one like "OMG I just found out I have herpes" She will probably reply. haha

[pilot]

So Thorn,
Speaking of some sort of communication. I thought about what it was at the beginning of our R that made her fall in love with me. What seems to have been the thing is my sweet text messages to her in the mornings. So this morning I decided to "try something different" and sent her a text message that said "good morning beautiful". Those are the kind of things that I used to say to her. She loved them. I only got a reply of "morning", but I still dont feel like it was a mistake. I know she will be thinking about it.

Ben is right. I will probably offer a compliment the next time I see my W if she offers one first. Baby steps. You cannot rebuild your relationship without swinging the hammer. Just assume that every now and then you will smash your thumb in the process.

[Maybell]

Thornton, I think it would feel good to you to do as Mach suggested. Kind of like letting yourself have a bite of chocolate when you're on a diet. But do it for yourself, not because you expect it to have any outcomes. And I don't think it will hurt at all.

I still like the nickname Thor for you though. Powerful, but tender.