An email with bullets about your relationship is intimidating and heavy/burdensome and comes across as - you guessed it - controlling and suffocating.
A light, warm "Hey! This was fun. Let's do it again. Where we goin'?" (But exactly how Wonka worded it) is precisely how to handle the discussion with the situation being what it is now. It's warm, friendly - even flirty a little - and fun! Like dating people!
The main reason I mention this particular subject, mdu, is that in many marriages, women take control of things for so long that our H's begin to take a backseat. And after years of this, it LOOKS like everybody's happy - or comfortable - with how things are going. When really, it's mostly just going along to get along.
I've watched my H, in particular, take complete charge of our dates the past two months. And he's really challenging me to step outside my comfort zone. And it's been AWESOME!!!! He, come to find out, LOVES planning our dates (who knew?!?). So far, we have been to a live band/bar at a whitewater rafting center, we've listened to an awesome reggae band and we are about to take a moonlight canoe trip out to an isolated island for dinner/drinks as part of a beer tour. AND, we are planning to go zip lining (my idea) and paddle boarding (H's idea - which SHOCKED me!!!!) soon.
I never knew H wanted to try new things. I was always in the driver's seat before, and I was too busy, too overwhelmed at home and too dang tired to plan anything creative. And there he was, all that time, with a million ideas of things to do. I just never said: "Hey, man. Take the lead. Let's do something fun!" And I also had to change my attitude about the things he pitched. Thankfully, I did because I've been having a ball with him, being adventurous!
Let go a little, girlfriend. You never know what your H can pull out of his sleeve!
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
