Dropping the rope

[woundedfool]

He thinks H is asking these things because I come off so happy when H sees me. He said he thinks it bothers H that I'm happy without him. Little does H know it's partially an act

Your dad is a wise man.

Yes, the acting as if is a bit of a front at first. But you slowly learn/see that you do have positives in your life that create & foster happiness.

My mind reading is that your H was expecting and wants to see/hear "you can't live without them", "your lost without them", etc.

Kind of messes with their head when they see you are strong & can manage (even flourish) without them.


Another off topic side note: it will be interesting to see the end result of the up coming holiday weekend.... the "new car" is fading from the perspective of 19girls parents, and nothing creates relationship pressure quite like a 10 hour car ride.

[T384]

Her parents aren't going. Just he and the 19 year old are. But they are going to the keys with her family the following week.

I am getting better at meaning my as if act I just need to stop letting his digs via text get to me like Claire and GB advised. Just be simple and cordial.

I was just surprised that we made some progress on being friendly in person for him to start out texting like that tonight

My dad said they probably got in an argument or she made him clean her room lol and he was sitting alone banging his head on the dashboard and wanted to take it out on me lol. I know that's not true but my dad makes me laugh


I like your mind reading

It has been almost 3 months of no R talk. I also like I said haven't mentioned her which is VERY unlike me. I think it's getting to him. Especially because now that I've finally LISTENED to all of everyone's GREAT advice and stopped acting so cold and quiet to him and now I'm friendly and outgoing. I think his head is spinning.

My dad said each week H looks more comfortable around me when we play basketball together.

[Thornton]

Good job TO. I think he is definitely uncomfortable, which is exactly how you want him to feel.

Keep doing what you're doing and don't react to his attempted baiting.

I think if he can get a rise out of you, it makes him feel better. Don't let him feel better.

[T384]

Thank you

I'm contemplating sending a text to H both so he knows and for legal purposes. I just don't want him to use me not allowing then to go away for the weekend as me keeping the boys from him. I want it to be clear they are allowed to go with HIM. But due to the fact that I know he is going with her alone (I'm pretty sure he doesn't think I know because he told me 'everyone' is going which is not the case and who knows what defines who everyone actually is) I believe it's in the boys best interest not to put that in the situation.

Any thoughts? I thought of sending somethjng like this...

The boys would be more than happy to go with you if you are going alone but if you're going with someone else it's in their best interest to be alone with their dad not to be confused anymore


And as a side note so you all are aware. He does not ask to take the boys. The reason he offered to take them was because i sent him a text with my updated schedule because my lawyer and my DB coach advised me to give him my schedule so he has access to the boys without having to see me. So since my days changed I sent him a text about me working Friday and Saturday and I told him I had nobody to watch the boys. So that's where he brought up he wouldn't be staying in town and would have to take them with him.

[lost18]

I think you've made yourself clear that you don't want the boys to go with people they don't know. Leave it alone. IF he asks again I would take the previous advice and say something along the lines of "I have it covered, thanks" you can add a "thanks for checking and/or have a nice trip" if you want.

[woundedfool]

I'm contemplating sending a text to H both so he knows and for legal purposes. I just don't want him to use me not allowing then to go away for the weekend as me keeping the boys from him. I want it to be clear they are allowed to go with HIM. But due to the fact that I know he is going with her alone (I'm pretty sure he doesn't think I know because he told me 'everyone' is going which is not the case and who knows what defines who everyone actually is) I believe it's in the boys best interest not to put that in the situation.

Any thoughts? I thought of sending somethjng like this...

The boys would be more than happy to go with you if you are going alone but if you're going with someone else it's in their best interest to be alone with their dad not to be confused anymore


And as a side note so you all are aware. He does not ask to take the boys. The reason he offered to take them was because i sent him a text with my updated schedule because my lawyer and my DB coach advised me to give him my schedule so he has access to the boys without having to see me. So since my days changed I sent him a text about me working Friday and Saturday and I told him I had nobody to watch the boys. So that's where he brought up he wouldn't be staying in town and would have to take them with him.

No, no, no... do NOT do this.

This is dirty work, this is something for your attorney.

You never gave the update, what did your other attorneys say about a no contact order?

***IANAL***Also, you are no several months (over 90 days) into the D itself... You should be well beyond the scope of requiring an "emergency hearing" to address basics, such as sole use of the home, parenting times & no contact orders. What does your attorney say?

[T384]

Honestly my attorney [censored]!

I haven't heard anything from her except a HUGE invoice with nothing accomplished but me responding to his D petition

She says I have to set a hearing for custody and child supprt if I don't want to wait until mediation. Also in regards to getting my vehicles (all owned cash and pre marital returned to me) he originally agreed and now backed out (per his attorney, he and I have never discussed this). He is now saying he will be keeping them so my attorney said I'll have to set a hearing and be responsible for all the court costs. I don't understand this because it's in MY name. He has no legal right to it other than we are married. She told me if I found it I could go get it as long as I 'don't disturb the peace'.

It doesn't make sense. I feel like this whole thing is stupid. I work pretty much every day during the week so I don't really have much time to deal with it. So since he's said nothing, I've heard nothing, it sits on the back burner.

[woundedfool]

Unsolicited (non-DB related)advice:

Talk to you attorneys paralegal. Ask her typically how much of her work is D related? And how she feels the time lines are going (comparatively in your situation), and when she expects to have the first mediation.

Similar in spirit to my previous question/task: Contact the other couple of attorneys you consulted with, ask them what they think of the timelines and how your current attorney is doing?

Depending on their answers, have a conversation with your attorney, and tell her the areas you are feeling neglected/let down.

You received a bill from your attorney, was it itemized? Or was it just a statement?

[T384]

It was itemized. Costs for emails/calls with me and his lawyer which are no all pointless since they are going against what they had agreed on (returning of my things)

So now all of the sudden H boss and boss wife are going this weekend. The boss wife textd my close friend (she is friend with the boss wife, we used to all hang out)

So how CREEPY the boss and his wife, H and the daughter and the other daighter (14) and her boyfriend are all going away for the weekend. And H thought this was an appropriate place to bring the boys?

Some people are telling me I need to let the boys go but others say absolutely not. I'm so torn. I already told him I had plans made and I feel I'm protecting the boys best interest.

[woundedfool]

So now all of the sudden H boss and boss wife are going this weekend. The boss wife textd my close friend (she is friend with the boss wife, we used to all hang out)

IMhO, this has nothing to do with nothing... Detach

So how CREEPY the boss and his wife, H and the daughter and the other daighter (14) and her boyfriend are all going away for the weekend. And H thought this was an appropriate place to bring the boys?

While I will agree... inappropriate. But much like H's other decisions recently, not exactly the best ones he has made.

Some people are telling me I need to let the boys go but others say absolutely not. I'm so torn. I already told him I had plans made and I feel I'm protecting the boys best interest.

Just do a quick google search... many hits about not exposing kids to significant others during a divorce.

Furthermore, many hits of attorneys telling people NOT to do it.

Furthermore, you will need to take a parenting class in FL for a divorce, it will be addressed in there as well.

It was itemized. Costs for emails/calls with me and his lawyer which are no all pointless since they are going against what they had agreed on (returning of my things)

How about the task I gave you about meeting with your second and third choice, have you done that?