I've been GAL a little more lately. I think I've settled on a new hobby I want to take up and am looking forward to. I'm seeing a counselor to help me eliminate my nice guy tendencies. I'm definitely taking all the issues W into consideration as they were valid - leadership, assertiveness. I'm planning out my days better, coming up with goals I want to accomplish, and I have become more assertive at work at least. Definitely more to work on, but I do know that I became lazy in the latter part of our marriage and just focused too much on my kids. It takes two people for a marriage to not work and I take full responsibility for my half.
Originally Posted By: pilot
Just dont let the trainwreck of her new life with the new kid spill into your kids' lives. She is still their mother and what happens to her affects them as well.
Thinking more about this lately. Yes I don't want W's life to go bad. Even though she massively disrespected me and treated me like garbage, she's still the mother of my kids and I don't want her to end up in a bad spot.
Speaking of W.... She's basically now lying to OM now more than me. She has tried flirting with me, wanting to sleep with me, and send me pictures. I have turned her down. I told her I don't think OM would like that you're doing this. She didn't seem to care...
Several days ago she told me she no longer wanted to be with OM and wanted to be with me. I told her she has to prove herself. So last Monday she tried breaking up with OM.... couldn't do it. Then they argued some more and she broke up with him this past Friday. And he called her a bunch of horrible names. I was GAL Friday night and dropped the kids off at her place. She looked pretty down and hurt, so I asked her if she needed a hug and she said yes.
Of course the next day they got back together. When she told me in a sort of ashamed text, I simply replied that if she wants to be with somebody who thinks of her that way, go right ahead. And she must think pretty lowly of herself if she thinks this is the best she could do.
She left me a voice mail agreeing with me and that she knows it will happen again and she just doesn't know how to come back to me even though she claims she wants to. They got into another fight on Sunday. She broke up with him over a text, blocked his number, and then changed her phone number.
I know growing up W saw her dad yell at her mom, and maybe she thinks that's what she needs. I don't know. I can be more assertive for sure, but I'm not going to start calling her names, or become a complete control freak like OM. That was another issue W has with OM, is that he didn't like that she would have to watch her kids and he wanted all of her time.
(BTW all this info comes from W herself, so you know, may not be fully true. She did change her phone number though. That is a fact.)
I notice that when I'm even just a little nice to W, she withdraws back. When I become forceful in tone with her, or straight up tell her actions of hers I don't like (like not watching the kids), or just ignore her she'll try to flirt with me a little bit later. I just don't think I have it in me to become a 100% a-hole.
Anyways, the divorce should be finalized in three weeks. I've got to run the papers by my lawyer soon.
