For 4 to 5 solid months, Ms. Wonka didn't speak, communicate, send up smoke signals, or use tin phones to communicate with me at all. I kept things breezy and light for a while. Eventually her Berlin Wall started to came down ever so slightly and she sent me a Christmas card with a heart on a snow man with the words "cold on the outside, warm in the heart". That was a first from Ms. Wonka and that was over 10 years ago.
You CANNOT stay dark forever. There has to be some give and take. Yes, sending out occasional texts that are LIGHT and breezy in short words are good. And humor usually kills 'em.
Do you have a coach Thorn? It must be very stressful to consider whether to do the right thing by DB method, and I know how paralysing it is to fear making a mistake.
Having recently read the book, I'm pretty certain you do LRT until you get clear enough signs that partner wants to work things out. Book is light on the topic, but obviously, successful LRT ends at some point - it's the whole idea.
Perhaps it's time to note down what the specific interactions are, and ask coach/vets to give feedback on whether they are the early signs that your W wants to reconcile? It's a good way to get the max out of the time you invest in this board IMO.
M:37 W:38 No kids Together since 2006, Married since 2010 EA discovered 06/07/2014 W moved out 06/08/2014
I've been thinking about sending her something funny lately but holding firm to everyone's advice to stay dark.
That being dark was working because she was starting to text and ask a few questions, albeit painfully slow.
Do you think it's been long enough (almost 2 months) for me to initiate something? I don't want her to feel like I'm pursuing. But I also don't want her to think I just want to be friends or that I don't want her anymore.
FWIW, I usually try to comfort myself with the thought that it seems exceptionally unlikely that just one wrong move could totally blow things. Especially something as minor as sending a friendly text. If she doesn't respond, then it was probably just a neutral move. You could experiment a bit and monitor results. The real challenge is you can't get your expectations up. Especially if she DOES respond, that's the tough part for me.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
Interesting take, MDU. I'll think about it. Thank you.
Hopefully Mach, Spartan, and Bond will stop by with their thoughts. I'd really like to get as many perspectives as possible because I don't take these things lightly.
I just want to maximize my chances at reconciliation.
That happens with steps and actions. Not with inaction. Furthermore, sending an innocuous text wishing W a Happy 4th isn't going to break the camel's back.
For me, the worst thing in sending my text to Ms. Wonka is a "f*ck you!" A-ok. I can continue living my life as I always have regardless of how Ms. Wonka responds or does not respond. I've learned that people DO respond fairly well to light, breezy texts.
Just the other day, my old college friend sent a text asking "How are you, sweetums?" Thorn, how did you think I responded to that light, breezy text? Exactly.
Seriously you've got to lose your fear and being so paralyzed with over-analyzing a simple text.
Another thought to mull over:
Energy is neutral. How you use it and what you do with it is up to you.
