Hi FY, OH, yes! I know for certain that I can't fix her. If she was a WAS, there are so many things that could be done that might have some impact. But just like you said, you can't try something new, wait a few weeks and see if it makes a difference. In a couple weeks, they will have totally changed every idea they ever had. Believe me, right after B-day I tried to change myself and how I acted in so many ways. The bigger the change I made, the more my W wanted to go! I remember that one of the things she said on B-day was we don't do enough fun things. I put together a fun day zip lining (something she had always wanted to do) and we all (D14 included) had a really fun day. When we got home my W started spewing like mad! Telling me how she couldn't wait another day, she just had to leave. Here we had just had this really fun day, she was laughing and joking and showing nothing but her also having a great day and at the end she got angry! She didn't want to have fun. She wanted to be able to blame our marriage and me. Having fun together just didn't help her do that. This was the time she said it was the way I chew my food that made her certain that she just had to leave our 20 year marriage.
WAS's have real, tangible reasons they can site for wanting out. They don't need to make up crazy things that, even if true, wouldn't raise to throwing away every belief they ever had about marriage and family. They don't change their personality and start acting like a different person. They don't accuse their S of trying to kill them by feeding them high cholesterol food "on purpose" and wanting them dead.
Yes, I realize I can't fix a thing. It's hard because I've always been a "fixer", always thought that anything can be done if you know how and keep trying. The "how" in this case is just stop trying and let her work things out (or not) on her own. Just a shame that so much of what I had planned for my and my kids lives was built on her being there as well. This is the most important work ahead, building a new plan without her in it. Something that I never thought I would need to do but now MUST be done! Thanks FY!
