People who post to you here do it because we've been where you are, or close. We've taken a hard look at our actions and what contributed to the break up of our marriages.
We've accepted that we can't change our spouse. Only they can decide to change. Our pressuring them, shaming them, trying to create consequences only hurts us.
If you have a budget for your own personal spending, hers should be the same.
If you're in a community property state, I believe half of the marital assets are hers.
Good luck. Perhaps Mr Bond will come along.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Yes to answer your question I am angry. I have done a good job of not showing the anger. I have not raised my voice in any conever satin for the last 2 months. She gets angry when I don't want to discuss d . I have said since day 1 I don't want this, but I can't stop you . She knows that if she wants this it's her doing. With 3 awesome kids I am fighting for them two. Yes I am angry for her putting herself first and not spending more time with kids this summer. I do appreciate your post on my sitch. It does help. It's so hard to detach from her with all kids activities.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
wife called me today at work and ask me what my plans were. I said were what? she asked me if I found an apartment yet. I said I was looking for one because I wasn't leaving. if she wanted one I would help her pay for it but I wasn't leaving. I had to cut conversation short because I had someone coming in my office. should be a interesting night
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
After we put kids to bed w came into my room and gave me ultimatum. She said either I agree to talk about D or she was going to go into tell our 12 yr old D tonight. Also said I would come home some night and everything in home would be gone including kids. I just listened to her noise for a few minutes and gently said look I told you I wasn't going to help with this. I understand you are unhappy maybe you should get an apartment. I know you are sneaking around w other m. I don't think you are doing yourself or the kids any good by doing this under our roof. She admitted she was cried and cried. She said it was so hard, I just mirrored her conversation and she just wanted to keep talking. I did not show any emotion and when she held her hand out I didn't buy in. I don't know what came over me but I was calm and I think she felt comfortable talking to me about her problems. I told her I wanted her to be happy and maybe apt. Would help her find it. I still love her but she needs to fix herself. We talked about meeting for lunch once a week and doing something as a family on sundays. I just think it makes sense to give her freedom and be her friend and maybe A will fizzle.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
I new in my gut A was still going on. Her getting apt.will do a couple things. It will help me with detaching.it will put D on hold for While. She will be paying for own apt.she won't be sneaking from my house. It will bring me closer yet with kids.I think she got the feeling last night that I don't need her anymore. I want her back but know I will be ok without her. Her time alone will give her chance to see that her unhappiness is following her no matter where she lives
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
At this point what do you have to gain by not talking about D.
I get that you don't want to help but refusing to talk about something that's going to affect your future is a little suspect. You have to talk about it sometime, why not now or even last week.
I don't understand your logic. What am I missing? Would you rather pay Ls thousands to talk for you?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
