1st post. Long but please read, help!

[GoatGal]

Hi, Zues126,

I'm just catching up after some time away from all this, and was skimming your thread.

First of all, let me commend you on finding this site and trying to implement what you've been learning here.

You're lucky that you hit on it so early. I didn't find it until almost a year after "the speech" ILYBINILWY, and seven months after discover of his infidelity. So you're miles ahead.

A few things jump out at me:

1. Someone above said it sounds like your wife might be involved with someone else.
Not to freak you out, but I agree.
She's just a bit too rushed, too eager to "move on"... a bit too happy about it all.
I doubt that would be the case if she was looking a life alone without her spouse and---do you have children?
If this is not a deal-breaker for you, don't do anything about it now, but be warned this may come to light sooner rather than later.

2. Please include a signature with your posts with ages, time married, etc.
It helps us all get a better handle on what's going on with you.
You can do that if you go to your "My Stuff" , edit profile, add signature.

3. I'm glad you're following along with Grey's thread.
While no two marriages are the same, if you see similarities, then definitely apply them to your sitch.

4. The porn thing.
Well, if you read my thread, you'll get a sense on how that impacts a relationship long term, and also how it negatively affects you, your ability to perform, and your expectations about your physical relationship with your wife.

I never had a problem with porn, watched it, participated in it with my H, but stopped years ago when I realized that his "tastes" only ran more and more to meeting his needs the way he saw in Pornland, and less and less about being with ME in ways that I would like.

I began to feel degraded, and frankly, he's gotten to the point that he can only physically respond if the interactions are "pornified".

While he would like to make that about me and some shortcomings I might have, the truth is, he has ruined himself for anything that approaches "normal" lovemaking.
He has functional ED, except for porn.

He took his fantasies into real life, almost lost his job, took advantage of a naive young woman and harmed her in several ways.
He had to take Viagra with her from the get-go due to his "issues", yet after a few encounters he couldn't reliably perform with her EITHER due to his porn-induced ED--even with Viagra-- and finally decided to "improve" their interactions by bringing porn into their relationship.

No wonder she dumped him.
Now she knows what I know.
Porn has not made him a stud, it's made him a DUD.

How sad is that?
Worst of all, he's decided he can't "fix" this (his sexual problems, the damage he's done) and so has decided to divorce me.

I'm all for adding toppings on the sundae.
But when it's all about the sprinkles and not there's no more ice cream, that's no longer dessert. It's just pretty, sweet crap.
"Vanilla is the finest of the flavors". And is a great base to build on.

Sorry---I'm rambling, but I'll get off my soapbox now.

---GG