You can "throw up" here any time Georgia!
The depression/anxiety, the low self esteem, the sensitivity are all things that my W shared with your H. Just before B-day even my W said "Can women have MLC's. I really think I'm having one!". She couldn't understand her own feelings and even went as far as thinking it was hormonal imbalance (actually she hoped it was!). I think, in the beginning, even they know that what they are going through isn't normal. This adds to the depression/ anxiety issues as well as the self esteem. My W did a workshop for work just weeks after B-day where she had to look at her her feelings. She listed things like "feeling invisible", "dorky", "no one likes me", "not good enough". When it called for an example of a problem she has and what she GAINS from talking to others about it she sighted her "Bad Marriage". She listed things like "get attention from other people", "excuse for not being good enough" as benefits! I think at that point she could see that blaming her marriage was a way to explain her own bad feelings about herself. As things progressed that changed and now she is fully invested in her marriage and me being the cause. If we aren't the cause than they have to look at what else it may be. They already have low self esteem, looking inside and seeing that it isn't us or their marriage would mean that it has to be them.

The taco thing is funny as after B-day and my changing the things she had said "bothered her", she actually said she had to leave because "I hate the way you chew your food" and was serious about it! What can we do with that? How did we contribute to the breakdown of our M by the way we chew or eat tacos?

Looking at the 'reasons" your H gave you and the ones my W did, there is in there a clue, I think. They both try and tell US how WE felt about them! My W told me at one time that she didn't think I felt she was "enough" for me. That I was just as unhappy as she was. Just like your H saying you weren't "committed to the M" or he loved you more than you loved him. This is their own feelings of inadequacy projected onto us. I also think this may be the reason so many MLCers end up with OP's that are clearly damaged as they feel better about themself when with them.

Thanks for stopping by my thread. I appreciate your thoughts very much!