Fact is: you taking a stand for your family DID call her out on her bad behavior. She's lashing out like any person acting like a spoiled, selfish child would. And you did it without losing your cool.
See through her lashing. If she doesn't respect you for your stand right now, you can certainly respect yourself. And one day, she'll respect you for it. Mark my words. Your letter had absolutely NOTHING in it that would offend a person who's thinking with a good, rational mind.
And Dev, that stand you took? From a woman's perspective? It was sexyyyy! There's nothing quite like a man taking a firm, but gentle, stand for his family/children.
I'm applauding you today.
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014