Wife in MLC and getting ready to leave #6

[Georgiabelle]

Matt,

I agree that to a certain degree it doesn't matter. However , I've seen many marriages breakdown and absolutely, out of the norm extreme bizarre behaviors do not always accompany those. I've been following along your sitch and while no MLC expert, here is my 5 cents worth.

My h has a history of depression and anxiety and has been on medication for years. Our m was not perfect. Our m was SS and lacked intimacy. While those are big things, I realized those things were actually getting better. So much so that after BD, h said the core issue was that I wasn't committed to the m(untrue), we didn't have enough joint assets (we didn't have many assets period), I forced him to have 3rd child (not true) all the way to he loved me more than him (I don't know how that is measured), I didn't trust him (absolutely false until I realized EA) all the way to he hated the way I tacos (this was said sobbing). I literally thought he was having a nervous breakdown and his parents were gravely concerned for everyone's safety. We were best friends. Prior to moving out he would readily admit this. Did our M have issues? Yes. Did I not dedicate enough time to the m? Nope. I should have focused more on that. However, I think some people are "ripe" for MLC and there is nothing to do except get out of the way. I respect everyone's opinion here even if I don't always agree. I did not "manufacture" this to make myself look better. I'm flawed and am working on things to make myself better. I could write a novel on this crazy, unbelievable insanity. As could many others here

Do I think it's "normal" for a 40 yr old man to start a relationship with someone in college who says they will rescue you after he had an epic and colossal breakdown on Twitter saying " I just want someone to love me and F me" No. Do I think it's normal to set the house alarm off and come back to someone in the shower, sobbing while banging on the door, asking what they are going to do about this? No. I don't. Do I think it's normal to slam the door in your 8 year olds face, sobbing, saying " I f$&king can't see you now " after never doing any of these types of behaviors before. No. I could go on and on. And no, these aren't typical "marital breakdown" behaviors IMHO.

I think many MLCers have always struggled with feelings of on adequacy and have very low self esteem. Sprinkle in a generally fragile mental state to and extremely sensitive person and voila-you have a person who is ripe for crisis. I do think people sometimes label their WAS a MLC when the person is really just a cheater or morally challenged person. These are just my thoughts only. Not saying they are scientific or accurate.

Again, it changes nothing. However, I do think when someone is truly in a MLC (and even my h's gf and his new 25 yr old friends say it), it's best to step out of their path and let them be. Sorry to throw up on your thread. I think you are on the right path, Matt. It gets better:)