Would really like to call H and say "Do you even know what today is? I bet you don't and it just goes to show how checked out of the relationship you have been for so long. You want to blame ME for all our problems that led you to the A but you're really the one who doesn't care and hasn't for a long time. Have you thought about that?!"
Why I want to do this: I want to shake him up, I want him to take accountability, I want him to stop blaming ME for everything, I want to know EXACTLY when he stopped loving me and to recognize this is not about ME it’s about HIM. I want the magic bullet that will turn this around.
Why I won’t do this: Trying to shake him up might make him feel guilty (at best) but also runs the risk of antagonizing him. And do I really want his guilt? While that might make me feel better briefly, in the long run it’s not really want I want. What I really want is my H to love me and want to come home and be with me. I want him to want to make an effort to remember special days between us, I want him to want to do nice things for me. Jumping on him for not remembering what today is most likely won’t accomplish what I really want. And really, he has not blamed me entirely, he does take accountability for shutting down and not talking. And he has explicitly said that the A was entirely his choice, not my fault. And he’s told me underneath he does love me. Although it’s obviously quite buried now.
So I guess I will sit tight and STFU. It’s a tough day for me for sure.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
