Oh! Another thing I've been working on--and this is tricky with DB.
I have always been a go-with-the-flow type of person. I wouldn't speak up if I *really* wanted to go to a particular restaurant, because it was easier to not rock the boat. In the end, I was still getting to go out to eat, so be grateful for what I have, right? In theory, this is a good way to live life. On the other hand, it sets me up for disappointment IF I LET IT.
So here's the thing - I typically don't let it. Okay. Great.
I can only think of a few times when I've really spoken up for something that I wanted. H and I went to Europe for two weeks for our 10th anniversary. When we had our 15th anniversary, he was proposing another trip to Europe, and I said - "You know...I'd really like to go someplace else." He grumbled and said my idea wasn't really his kind of trip but OKAY. Well, we went, and he loved it, and we've gone every year for the past four years.
So fine....I spoke up for myself and we both had a great time.
Another thing that I don't do is tell the family too much of things that I want to do. We're busy. We have a zillion activities. It's nice to not add ONE MORE THING to the calendar.
But -- it means that I'm wanting to do something and not doing it. One of those things is eating out (haha - I've used that example twice!). So - I've started a list of restaurants that I want to try. I'm going to start checking them off as a part of my GAL. H can come if he wants, but he doesn't have to be a part of this. Still - I have a habit of squashing my own needs to meet the needs of everyone else. Part of that is being a mom, part of that is bending to my husband's busy hobby life....I did stop that a little bit four years ago when I took up marathon running (which required hours of training), but I'm taking that to the next level.
Basically - I'm trying to be done apologizing for liking the things that I like, but also giving those things up. Rather than be a martyr like my mother and suffer, I should just be enjoying things. Hey - my family might enjoy the same things! We just don't know! (Running is a great example though....Both H and D15 have started to run with me.)
I'm not EXPECTING anyone to join me, but I welcome their company if they'd like to come along.
The boundary thing with the A has me totally spinning my wheels however. Never ever allowed any other boyfriend to have something on the side. And I feel like I'm "allowing" this since I can't stop it. That is just totally stuck in my craw. He's TOLD me that I deserve better, and I think so, too! Grrrrrrr.....
As a general rule, I'm great with boundaries! My kids have good boundaries, I worked as a dean at a HS and I could set boundaries with teenagers no problem. It seems like when dealing with an A the advice is to ignore it. So - we set up some very basic boundaries to make the A invisible to me but still....Seriously, it makes my stomach turn.
Break on through to the other side. Break on through to the other side......
Lastly (sorry these are so long, folks), took the dog for his walk last night. Invited anyone who wanted to come along to come along. The WHOLE FAMILY went. It was kind of nice. I basically ignored Mr. Grumpalump (who was grumpy) but the kids and I laughed and laughed. I looked over at one point at Mr. Grumpalump because of something silly that D had said, and he had a little bit of a bewildered, puzzled face on. Dunno what he was thinking. I just know that I was thinking that all things considered, we are super lucky to have our kids. They're great.
