I would also let him navigate his relationship with the kids. You can't make the kids do anything-just like you can't make your h do anything.
In regards to OW, if you are intimate with your h, then you could establish whatever boundary you are willing to enforce. In regards to exposing or talking about OW, I see no benefits. If he says she doesn't exist, you could say "hold up, we both know you are not being honest," Doesn't mean he will be honest and admit it. Do you think telling him you know will make him end it and work on M? It won't.
Let your h own his R with the kids. That's his choice and decision. It gets easier. Hang in there!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Well, if she is a co - worker, reported to HR it would make them both think twice.
My thought would be to put pressure on the "love bubble of affair", and make them identify some serious consequences - more than just my homelife. This is an industry of integrity, but I really don't know if it would matter much, but my WS is very, VERY worried about and concerned with his professional image. I think it may create stress... but I really don't know. I'd have to find out who she was anyway. Currently it is only a hunch - but a really good one.
But I would certainly NOT be the one to "drop that bomb".
As far as OW - she's not worth my time.
Last edited by bugsby; 07/01/1412:28 AM.
Me: 48 H: 48 Married 26 , together 30 D1: 21 D2: 18 "Happily Married" until BD 4 weeks later: "Im talking to someone" No papers filed. Attempting 180, finding it difficult.
Just finished DR for the second time. I got a much calmer take on my plan and actions. Very hard to identify issues/test reactions to changes when contact is so sparse.
I know i have to give him space and time. I am so into zone 180, i have not contacted him (except for tuition for DD 18) I don't even think of calling him.
The nights are the worst, being in so much pain, dealing with all the fallout - while I know he's out dating is the worst part. Anger settling in, finally. Trying to keep house and home organized and in shape for DD 18 - still home. Don't feel like i can go anywhere, someone has to be here for her (between her work shifts and friends). She is depressed. as am i
So restless. like to be in bed, quiet, but thoughts go crazy. when i go do anything, i get restless and can't stay at it. i move, move, move. Another beautiful day, the world keeps spinning. it only feels like me thats stuck.
Me: 48 H: 48 Married 26 , together 30 D1: 21 D2: 18 "Happily Married" until BD 4 weeks later: "Im talking to someone" No papers filed. Attempting 180, finding it difficult.
Well, if she is a co - worker, reported to HR it would make them both think twice.
How do you know it would make them think twice, there are many reactions that could happen.
As 25 says-Stay in your own sandbox.
Quote:
My thought would be to put pressure on the "love bubble of affair", and make them identify some serious consequences - more than just my homelife. This is an industry of integrity, but I really don't know if it would matter much, but my WS is very, VERY worried about and concerned with his professional image. I think it may create stress... but I really don't know. I'd have to find out who she was anyway. Currently it is only a hunch - but a really good one.
But I would certainly NOT be the one to "drop that bomb".
As far as OW - she's not worth my time.
Remind me how you know for sure what's going on affair-wise.
Codependent No More-Have you read that one? If not, do.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I guess I'm just not a very patient person. I have always been a high energy "fixer", and I am spinning wheels not being able to do anything except be here for DD 18 and detach.
Going to see my therapist, today. She works with EDMR (trauma), hypnotherapy and talk therapy. I wonder if there is anything she can do for the rumination (at least make it calm down)
She just got divorced herself a year or so ago. She is NOT very positive about marriage building, but that is not what I went for her for. I will spell out my plan ( like I did last week ) but she said last time; "You are in denial of what is happening here" I will flip.
No one better than me understands what is ahead of me. I am i no denial at all about what I have to do. If she can be supportive, great. If not. I will find another....
Yes, I have gotten the talking points of "co dependent no more", before. I don't remember if I read the entire book or not. Will go back and see.
Me: 48 H: 48 Married 26 , together 30 D1: 21 D2: 18 "Happily Married" until BD 4 weeks later: "Im talking to someone" No papers filed. Attempting 180, finding it difficult.
Sad day. Had hypnotherapy to try to curb the strongest outbursts with calming process.
Husband wants to "explain" his affair to DD18 AND DD 21. They are both responding - (it is good - but kind of hurts my feelings a little bit - to be honest.) There is no reason for cheating. He wants to tell "his side", and of course, and WHY he is doing what he is doing.
These are my daughters. Someone is cheating on their mother. If their own father says it is OK - or excusable, what stops them from internalizing this?
If it is excusable to cheat on mom, then it is excusable for me to be cheated on, too.
what is he thinking? My 18 yo is not an emotional adult (neither is my 21 yo for that matter.) Makes me really angry.
Last edited by bugsby; 07/02/1402:31 AM.
Me: 48 H: 48 Married 26 , together 30 D1: 21 D2: 18 "Happily Married" until BD 4 weeks later: "Im talking to someone" No papers filed. Attempting 180, finding it difficult.
bugsby, quick question what is hypnotherapy used for exactly? My IC does it but we have never gotten into it.
The other thing here is maybe your H is talking about the reason as in what he was getting from her that he wasnt at home. It might be something that you need to hear.
M:33 W:30 T:10 M:2 B/D: 5/27/14 S: 5/28/14 Wife moved back in 7/18/14
