Feeling a bit down this morning. Woke up with a knot in my stomach. Not entirely sure why. Maybe has something to do with today being the 9 year anniversary that H asked me to marry him. I doubt he remembers or even cares. I’m not sure that he ever remembered.
The kids have been with H the past 4 nights, they will be home with me tonight and then back with him again for a night and then with me through the July 4th weekend. Although I am adjusting much better to the separation I keep thinking about them and what we are putting them through. It seems so horribly selfish and I really don’t think H ‘gets’ it. They tend to share their discontent with me, H seems to think they are basically fine. But he tends to blow problems off so I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s ignoring little signs and comments from them. Sort of brings up some bad feelings for me about how he deals with things in general. I seem to have lots of worries and doubts today about reconciling.
Its interesting how I keep going up and down on this, maybe it’s typical, maybe its just me, maybe it means something more that I should really pay attention to. I’m going to keep posting and documenting to see if I can find any patterns.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
