'believing half of what they do' part is a little confusing. What's a good example?
I may not have this quite right, and I agree it is a tricky one. In general what people DO is a clearer indicator of their inner reality than what they say.
But with MLCers they are confused and they want to reshape reality to fit their own notions, which are emotional and shifting.
So your spouse went to Spain, but you will probably never know WHY. The roommate might appear to be the love of their life, but if you read WishingHoping's thread, already her xh's relationship seems a little sour. Their behaviours in MLC are inconsistent, erratic, and often frenetic. They are searching for something,
However, sometimes in their craziness they will do things that are real and authentic. My crazy xh is currently making a home for himself - even though he is about to remarry. This place is for him, and I see it as a good thing for him to be doing. That might sound patronising. But I think it is a part of establishing in a real way his new identity, and grounding him.
We have to be careful though not to interpret things the way we want to see them.
