First, i want to say that I feel saddened by so many of these situations and when there are young children it breaks my heart. I don't say that to make to feel worse- just being honest. I will say both. I know you aren't supposed to ask them to leave. I did and everything became so much more normal once he did. My h would come home put a pillow over his head and refuse to speak to the kids. His behavior was increasingly bizarre-so much so that his mother was about to call the police. We all thought h was having a nervousness breakdown. What has helped me maintain my sanity? My kids, good friends, family, work, the great people on this board and a kick a$$ sense of humor help:-)
It does get easier as you go along. You will read threads where people have long meaningful conversations and others where contact is minimal. I am in the latter. During this process you will learn so much and ultimately realize that you cannot fix this. Focus on your well being and that of your children. This is imperative!!! I know yours are very young but children are very intuitive and may notice your h's strange behavior. You will find that yes your M had issues like everyone's , but you are not the cause of this.
I'm not sure if you have an IC or DB coach. I had both and now just see an IC every 3 weeks. I found coaching beneficial, however there was one key thing we disagreed on. My h said he did not want out M to work. My coach said he probably didn't see how it could work. No, my h really wanted to go live a different life. Let your h be. Be pleasant and keep interactions to necessities.
I don't know if this helps but thought I would share. You will be amazed at the support here. Hang in there!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
