I don't yell, ever. (I have yelled at my mom a couple times, but that was a ridiculous situation...) I can pout and go silent for a loooooooong time, though. That is the very first thing my IC started working on. I am happy to say I haven't done it in almost a year, regardless of the things that have been thrown at me.
And just because she doesn't talk to you doesn't mean she doesn't care or doesn't feel bad. She has zero coping skills and is afraid to express emotions, I'm guessing. That's me, so I go in to my shell to avoid it.
I felt bad because I love my H. Anyone who loves another person doesn't want them to feel lonely, isolated and unloved- they just don't. If you sit her down and tell her what you need to tell her and she cuts you out of her life, then, sir, you are better off----- period!
Now, listen to this: she has a lifetime of reactionary behavior, and she will resort to it when she gets upset. It's habit. She may yell, shut you down and shut you out for a time but if she doesn't snap out of it after a bit and agree to work with you on the M then you saved yourself so e years of your life.
You can't control how she's going to react. However, two people in a M need to be able to talk about issues in the M.
Honestly, you BOTH need C. If she won't go with you, see if she'll go on her own. I'm proud of you for getting to see one for yourself- my H refuses any kind of medical intervention unless it's a surgical procedure he can't perform himself. A lot of men seem to be like that.
I know this is killing you- but if she can't/won't work on your M then you need to take a hard look at what you want.
I'm fighting like he!! For my M (at least I was- I dropped the rope a couple weeks ago. Still would like my M to work out, but his mental state is unhealthy for me.)
The thing is, only you and she knows what your R is like. Do you feel like she loves you and is just being shortsighted and immature?
I had a very cold family. I was never taught how to emote. Honestly, it comes more naturally to some people but for me it's really difficult to allow someone else "in". I have learned to drop the defenses, though. She can learn, too. But she has to want to.
Yikes. I am terrified now even more than before. I'm afraid you're right, most of all.
Quote:
Do you feel like she loves you and is just being shortsighted and immature?
Exactly. Which doesn't help either one of us.
She loves me. I know she does. Trust me, she'd be able to convince you she loves me, too.
But we can't get past it. I can't have needs, or talk to her about why I'm not ahppy. Which means I have to let her give me the ultimatum it sounds like. She can't really handle marriage because marriage requires BOTH parties to be responsible, especially when it's hard. She shares in all of the glory, none of the pain. Right now I can't get her to even respond to a text if I should come home or not. So I feel like I shouldn't go home. I'm afraid she'll have my bags packed, or already left, who knows. Maybe it's for the best. 8 months, everyone I know is getting divorced. It's crazy.
