So sorry to hear that things are getting worse, Sarah. I wouldn't say anything to him about if or when he's leaving. I think you're best just giving him his space. Again, the whole hating the "house" is exactly what I got from my W. After the MLC started she so hated the house we have lived in for 15 years that she wouldn't have anyone over, she was too "embarrassed". It was always too messy or too small or the grass was too long. She would meet people who picked up the kids somewhere else to avoid them seeing where we lived! Now, it's a small, modest home but most of the people we know live in small, modest homes and if they don't, so what? Why is it so important what other people think of where we live? We made a choice to spend our money on more important things like private school for the kids. Over the last 18 years we have spent over $200,000 on private schools something SHE wanted just as much or more than I did at the time. The person she has become now is more worried about how other people see her than what or who she really is.
When she told our D14 she was leaving, she told her it was because "This place is just unhappy", not that SHE was unhappy or that she and I just can't get along or don't love each other, no, it's that the home we live in is "unhappy" (not HER, the PLACE). Your H is very much still in the anger stage. He is angry that he feels so unhappy and wants to blame anything but himself or his own actions. Also, get used to the other people being "cold' after he talks to them. Over time they will see the truth.
My W came over Saturday to pack up things she is taking to her new house. She was being fairly nice about it and I was helpful and upbeat. She also took our D14 with her to spend the night and had hoped for her to go to her company picnic on Sunday. When she came back Sunday after D14 refused to go to the picnic with her, she was a totally different person. She was angry because our D wouldn't do what she wanted and now the sullen teenager came out to play. Anytime she doesn't get her way she reacts like a child and looks for anything to blame OTHER than herself and how she has destroyed her relationships.
I will admit that, like you, I tried to head off the blow ups that I knew were coming (how you "quickly" got the kids dinner ready so you could send them to bed). Nothing you do will make a difference since the problem isn't the house or the kids being the kids. The problem is in HIS mind. He will find a reason that you or the house or the weather is the REAL problem, not him or how he chooses to think or behave.
He is responsible for his relationship with his kids. We can't help them or hurt them although, just like everything else they see as "bad" in their life, they will try and blame you for somehow manipulating the kids against them. In their minds they are 'right" and you as the "bad" S are "wrong".
Hang in there Sarah. All you can do at this point is ignore his outbursts and give him as much space as possible. Logic won't work, in fact it will make things worse. Just keep up the 180's and GAL activities and get used to the fact that you can't know who he will be at any given moment or in any situation. Stinks, I know but not much else you can do right now.
