Sex was great, part 2

[artsy]

Grey,

Your posts today absolutely shook my foundation: you are my H about 2 years ago. I am your W up until a year or 6months ago. I don't think I realized what he was thinking, truly, until I read some of what you posted.

We also had great sex until we married. About that time, I went though a depression- not severe, but enough that it killed my libido and made my personality a bit "off". He took it personally even though I explained it wasn't him. Nothing I did made me feel better, medication included. I eventually came out of it, but it was too late. He had stopped trying.

I also have a history of cutting people out of my life who hurt me- I could hold a grudge like a champ! He referenced it several times. He also was afraid to bring things up to me because of it.

I empathize and sympathize with you because your sitch is a mirror to mine, opposite roles. I get it, NOW.

let me tell you this: I changed. I am truly a better person than I was last year on every level. If my H would take off his blinders he would experience how I would be a better W, and our M could be amazing. Your W can change, however, she's gonna need some real motivation to do so.

What do you have to lose? The confrontation you are avoiding WILL happen sooner or later. Don't be like my H is now: because he was so afraid of the inevitable confrontation, he made horrible choices based on desperation and emotion. He lost his integrity and tells me frequently that his life is "a mess" and "horrible" and he "can't undo what he did". All because he never communicated honestly with me.

I absolutely played a huge role in the deterioration of our M. But he has allowed fear to rule and destroy his life.

You need to take the reins right now- for both of your futures. As I said, you have nothing to lose. Your M won't survive the way it is now, so why not give it a chance by forcing her to come to terms with the issues?

Wishing we all had a time machine,
Artsy