She can get mad. Your fear of her emotional reaction doesn't mean you don't bring it up. If she gets mad you can say, I love you and this is important to me. We can talk more tomorrow after we've had some time to think.
If she's not willing, she's not willing.
Then you have an answer of sorts.
and decisions to make.
You're crystal ball reading and scripting of everything is probably getting you just what you're getting.
I hear you on the “crystal ball” part, and you’re right, I’m doing that, only I’m doing it because I’ve seen the consequences to other people she loved and I’m THAT terrified of the same thing happening to me just for bringing it up.
“We can talk tomorrow instead,” I think I’ve said this every single time I’ve tried to have an important talk with her. She gets upset, usually very quickly into the discussion, and I know it’s not going to get anywhere. I try to get us to take a “time out” for another time, but then, for example, she lets it linger, goes to bed angry (which I have heard is one of the most damaging things to any relationship), and is later still angry. She says she’s not angry the next day, only she says it with a monotone voice and can’t look me in the eye, doesn’t set up another time to talk, etc.
On one hand, I know it’s important to try to initiate the conversation. On the other hand, it’s always me initiating it, and that part alone brings stigma to the situation. Then again, if I don’t bring it up, she won’t either, perhaps because she’s happy and also she’s ok with burying my feelings----I’ve done that for several weeks at a time even, subduing my needs as much as possible so they are unnoticeable to her, but it’s only when they come up again or I try to talk that it’s a problem. It’s like, I want to talk with her about how I can’t talk with her, know what I mean? It’s the ultimate catch 22, and I understand the logic of maybe that means she’s not good enough for me, but I can’t pretend if she couldn’t just get past the part where she can’t/won’t have “adult” conversations (not just with me but the friends she’s abandoned), that things would be able to become great again and she would be thrilled rather than reluctant when it comes to compromising meeting my needs. There’s no compromise at this point---it’s me meeting her needs and not even talking about whatever my needs are.
