Reading this made me wonder what was going on in my husband's mind before he told me he wanted to move out and then did so that same evening. Clearly he had been feeling things were dire for a while. I wasn't very happy either, but certainly didn't expect he would just up and leave me. In fact, by the time he agreed to go to counseling, he was already done so it was a waste of time-- he wasn't invested in saving our relationship at that point.
But I wonder what would have happened if he had written me a letter and poured out his true feelings-- his fears, his wishes, etc. Maybe if I knew how unhappy he was, I would have been quicker to get the help I needed for my issues. Not a threat or ultimatum, but more like, "I love you but I'm afraid....and I want us to work on this together".
I think I would have listened to him and taken action.
I will also say that even though I was in crisis (depressed, highly anxious, withdrawn and exhausted all the time), the thought of getting help was completely overwhelming to me. My H became impatient and critical. What if he had shown empathy and also vulnerability and true, loving support-- even though I resisted.
What if the issue was not depression or lack of sex drive, but smoking or addiction or obesity or something else that affects your health but can be hard to get control over? How would you deal with that?
What if you drafted a bit of what you want to say to her here, and vets can give you some feedback and perspective? Stay optimistic, and have a problem- solving mindset...
