I found it from Corbean's thread! Here it goes. I liked the other one where Starsky spoke about his core boundaries. Gotta dig around a bit for that one. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Originally Posted By: Starsky309
During my sitch, when my wife was still in the throes of her affair, I said the following to her:
"_________, I feel like I need to be clear with you about something. You keep using the word 'friends.' Make no mistake -- if you choose to end our marriage this way, by having an affair and lying to everyone about it including your own parents and our adult children . . . then I have absolutely zero intentions of being 'friends' with you. We will co-parent our children, and I will of course be civil and courteous, but this isn't how 'friends' treat each other, I'm sorry. However, if you choose to end your affair and come back and work on our marriage with me . . . and if after a period of time (say, 6-12 months) you feel like this cannot be fixed, and you've given it your best shot? Then yes, I could see us ending up not only co-parents but probably pretty good friends, as we've always had so much in common. I mean it would take a little while for me to get there, but I could see it. But NOT like this . . . not what you're doing now, to me and to the family."
She told me two months later, when we reconciled, that the LOSS OF OUR FRIENDSHIP was the single biggest factor she decided to end her affair and come back and try to work on the marriage with me.
There is nothing wrong with lovingly stating your non-negotiable boundaries.
