Okay -

Have read and read and read and read! And now I have to put away the books and rules and hope that I've studied hard enough for this test, because H comes home today! (He's been on a 17 day trip with our D to Europe with a school tour.)

Here's what I've learned about how to help MYSELF:

1) STOP MOPING AROUND. It a) doesn't make me feel any better and b) isn't attractive to ANYONE. Not to H, not the kids, to the neighbors or friends.

In the immortal words of The Incredibles, "YOU ARE ELASTICGIRL! PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!"

2) STOP TALKING ABOUT OW.

Don't ask questions. Don't insinuate. Don't snoop.

And the side note to that is, stop THINKING about her so much.

She's not worth the karmic energy. Let it go. (You know some of you are singing now.)

3) DETACH

This one is a little tricky for me...I'm going to go forward as DETACHING from the sitch,

But - I'm going to continue to NOT initiate conversations with H, certainly online.

This is tricky because he has told me that he felt like I didn't pay enough attention to him, didn't appreciate the things that he did for me and the family, and didn't spend time with him. Sounds like he and I could both read the Five Love Languages. I am an Acts of Service love giver for sure....Will need to figure out how to LOVINGLY distance in this situation. Tricky.

4) GAL

On the list: call about volunteer opportunities at two local places!
Work on my business website so I can get some more clients
Keep going to yoga
Maintain my new list of restaurants that I want to try (I love to go out to eat, and never really used to do it! No time like the present!)
Go shopping for some clothes to fit my ever-improving, strong bod!
Get and manicure and a pedicure this week!
Continue to walk the dog at night - HE LOVES IT! (We have a big yard and he doesn't need a walk, but it's nice for both of us!)

5) Goals for My Marriage
This one has been the hardest for me, because I know I need to break it down into manageable pieces. My goal is to return to a relationship that is based on Honesty and Fidelity - we don't have that right now. (We have a relationship where he trusts me and wants me to be his lifetime companion, but my needs of honesty and fidelity are still in limbo...)

That is WAY too big of a goal to have right now.

So...

Right now my goal is to become the wife that anyone would be a fool to treat badly, but also to become a woman who can stand on her own two feet and say, "I will not allow you to treat me this way, and if you do so, the ramifications will be x."

My goal is to be better at establishing boundaries with H. He and I never needed them before...but we're learning all about that now.

I'm not at a point yet where I can execute the Last Last resort. So - I will have to get to that point. Baby steps!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST

I need to start thinking in a positive light. I have spent 8 months throwing negative energy at this thing, and it's definitely not moved things in a positive direction. Enough. (And so not my style, by the way...)

So - focus on myself in the present moment and the gift that it is. Enjoy our two awesome children and continue to help them grow into the strong, great young adults that they are becoming. And hope to nurture the ashes of the phoenix....Because stamping all over the ashes may extinguish the embers which I don't want to do. Giving them a little space and air may provide enough oxygen to let that puppy burst back gloriously.....Here's hoping!