Thanks 25yearsmlc, the thyroid disease was addressed, I was on me d's for 18 mths, currently in remission, yes over active thyroid has variety of symptoms one of which is anxiety, and once the anxiety kicks in, it becomes a downward spiral. I would really like to try solution based therapy, it was one of things they attracted me to db, and I live in Australia, so I'm not sure what kind of workshops they have here that are similar to what you suggested, but I would love to find out. Today has been a pretty good day, I got to spend the day with my eldest son, we want to the movies and had lunch. My H hadn't organiesd anyone to watch the twins while was at work, and for once I didn't volunteer, huge step for me, so he had to take them to work., I came to his place to drop off our eldest and asked (almost pleaded) for me to stay here for an hour so he could do a delivery, I said sure but I have to leave by 5, not sure if that's dbing or not, but it felt like the right thing to do...
we have one car between my h and, he drives a ute for work, the twins go to daycare twice a week, tomorrow is daycare day, as h has no way of getting the boys there, I'm driving to his place in the morning so he can take them, I asked how he was going to pick them up, he said a taxi, I thought he was serious, then he said, "I might need your help there" I suggested that his mum has a spare car up here at her holiday house, and that maybe he should ask if he could borrow it while shes not up here and he has the boys, he said that there's no way she'd say yes( and he's probably right) but surely it cant hurt to try? so question is, am I 'enabling' or letting 'cake-eat', he has had the opportunity and the money to buy a second hand car, just to drive around town with the boys, and has not made an attempt, that I can see, to change this. I don't know where this comes in with db or dr, input anyone??
today is crappy day, whatever bug the boys had over the weekend, they've kindly shared with me, I had to be at h house to drop the car to him so he could take the boys to daycare, I did my best to act upbeat, but pretty hard to do when you have ripping stomach cramps, h asked what was wrong, I tried to keep it as low key as possible, as my manipulating through illness has been an issue in the past, girl who cried wolf....so it makes it hard when you truly feel lousy and all I wanted was for him to give me a hug and tell me i'll be ok, he did reach out to touch me, and I had to pull back because If he touches me, I won't want to let him go. i have to pick up the boys and drop them off this afternoon to h, and i feel flat, trying to pull it together, so that they don't see mummy like this and neither does h, any tips or tricks, without looking false??
So last night h rang and told me that it would be OK for me to come and stay at his place so I can be here when the twins woke up for their birthday today, small step, he slept on the couch while I slept in his bed, I said thank you and meant it. I'm looking forward to a great day, spending the day with my whole family. ..
Thats nice that if nothing else, you two can come together for the kiddos.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
today has been a really nice day, a little bit of sadness thrown in, it was fantastic to be there when the twins woke up this morning and goets lots of twinnie cuddles, they loved their presents and we went to an indoor play centre for the morning. we also went to a chain store and bought double of the clothes the boys already had so one set stays at h house and one with me, so the boys feel like both houses are home, not always having to pack a bag, bit of sadness there. we had an easy afternnon at h house, just playing with the kids, early dinner, shower, boys to bed, I volunteered to stay until boys were asleep, because h has hurt his back, as soon as boys were asleep, I left, huge step for me, normally I would hover and wait until it got really uncomfortable, get upset, then leave...tonight I set my own boundary, stuck to it, yay me, small steps, said thank to h for a lovely day, kiss on the cheek, walked out the door. admittedly I burst into tears the minute I got in the car, but hey, he didn't see it, and neither did the boys. I'm trying not to think about Monday, its h birthday and its the first time in 10 years I haven't woken up next to him in his birthday, will deal with that when it comes.
Good job Watto...in a way it feels good...builds up your self pride and self esteem and at the same time chips away at his wall...keep going no matter how hard...Winston Churchill once said..."If you are going through hell, Keep going".
Me: 42 W: 39 D: 2 age 6 and 9 D-Day: Dec 29 13 Seperated: 3/20/14 Mediation retainer : 5/20/14 She filed: 06/25/14
Just a random thought, and I know the advice about not reading into anything h says, but as we were giving the boys a shower last night we were talking about something, can't even remember what it was and he made a "joke" about my boyfriend-no idea what the conversation was about, just remember that part because it stuck out, my re response was " yeah right my boyfriend" with some heavy sarcasm. The reason it stuck out is because he has made a few comments lately that are similar in a joking way every time, talking to a good friend last night and she said that he's gauging me, see what my reaction will be. A few weeks ago I had made similar "jokes" to h, only we both knew that I wasn't joking, and that I was trying to see how he would respond and also to get a dig in, I've since sstopped doing this when he said (and he was drunk and claims he ddoesn't remember saying it) that he found it offensive that I was constantly making remarks like that, so I apologized and have not made a comment like that since. Big ramble, just stuck 8 head that's all
so I think any chance I had with my h has gone down the toilet, I had to drop in an invoice to someone who I worked with, she is not a positive person in general and can be opinionated, she has always felt the need to be blunt to the point of nastiness, anyway, we were talking quite amicably, of course the topic of h came up, I did ok, was shortish with answers, then she turned around and said that she'd heard he a girlfriend in another town, inside I was floored, outwardly I made light of it, told her that's how the rumour mill works, excused myself and came home. I was shaking and really upset on the way home. worst timing ever, h rang so the boys could say goodnight, hecasked what was wrong, and I couldn't contain myself, told him what had been said to me, he then got angry and said he was going to message the person who said that to me, I said go ahead, then it's just escalated into teenage crap, he then rang me back, saying he had no girlfriend in that town, and then I unleashed four months of frustration, anger, hurt... think I've killed it now, will try to remember what said and post later, too upset right now...
