I had an affair... and I want my Fiancee back

[DBinSF]

It is SO HARD not to reach out to her. I broke NC today with a little "How's all your school work going?" text. She had been stressing out last Sunday over her MBA work, and I dropped off a little food for her (which she appreciated and thanked me dryly for over text). We had a short email exchange after that (her asking more how she could ever trust -- me outlining how great it all could be if we were both aligned around healing and moving forward.

No response from her.

I KNOW I need to leave her alone, but it's just SO. [censored]. HARD. She's the love of my life, and she's fading away from me. Like in those movies when someone falls in slow-mo away from the camera. She's just falling and falling. Perhaps right into someone else's arms.

The way I've handled break-ups in the past is I've compulsively dated afterwards. I've IMMEDIATELY tried to get back out there and "get over it under someone else." I'm not doing that this time, and all the sitting at home in my shitty little apartment alone (with the boxes of my stuff and all our photos and memories that she moved out of her apartment stacked in the closet) really drives me nuts.

I want a quick fix, and I know there isn't one. Ugh. Well, thanks for letting me vent... Any wisdom on how to handle the loneliness (without burning out all my friends) would be much obliged.