WAW separation begins

[rayzzz]

Thor , in the case of dB it means breaking my hands! But you are right. Much rather let go and pay a price to have her return to me but the no expectations and the detaching robot is back. Thanks for the encouragement bro I totally needed that

[oad]

never give up buddy...detach robot in the house!!! man I had a shitty few days myself, but we must continue our journey..

[rayzzz]

Thanks oad! You are right. Detaching is 90% of the battle on this journey.Today is going more smooth as I am out driving alot of junk to our landfill sites so I am hardly here with WAW.

My therapist friend also encouraged me:
"Remember, FEAR, once it has activated our physiology, FEELS incredibly True, even when it is not."

So today as I started to feel terrified of the finality of this separation that feels a hell of alot like a divorce....bank accounts closed, cars divided...all bills separated so "we are so done" with everything and "never ever going to get back together"...I have to remember all the db work I am doing and that it ain't over till I SAY its over. These fears only become real if I let them. I choose to courageously and fearlessly do my 180 with you fine warriors & warrioresses of the DB Round table. so there. Moving truck somes tomorrow. only 2 more days to go

[pilot]

rayzzz,

Those things are just things. You can get a joint account in the future in 10 minutes. You can still be together with cars in separate names. You can even be together with bills split. None of these things cement anything. You still have time, so use it wisely. Yea, a lot of bad things are going to happen, but how you deal with those and how you let them set you back is completely up to you. Brush them aside and strive to make positive ground.

[rayzzz]

rayzzz,
Yea, a lot of bad things are going to happen, but how you deal with those and how you let them set you back is completely up to you. Brush them aside and strive to make positive ground.

Thanks pilot for snapping my head out of a freefall. Time is gonna be my ally thats for d@m sure! I am gonna have my ic appointment tonight so I can't wait to dump everything on her and see where we can go. So far working on myself with db 4Cs has really impacted me. I really love being this way and its astounding how being quiet and confident is way more preferably than loud and obnoxious! Who knew!:P
Cannot wait to start putting my life together in my new place.

[rayzzz]

It is finished.
Just moved out entirely, was strong enough to give my kids a hug and a kiss before leaving them in their new home at the inlaws then bawled on the way home. It is crazy grief isn't it? I've never cried where your whole body is shaking and fighting to breath. But I did feel tons better afterwards...just exhausting holding it in for my family, her family and all her new friends that showed up to help today. Thank God I made sure I set up an out of the ordinary GAL with going nightclubbing---I havent done that since I was 26!
Well I felt in my spirit again today "It so important that you do everything quietly now. So important" So now I go completely midnight dark and I work my 180s into overtime. I am going to grab Father time by the hand and we are gonna learn to work together whether he likes it or not!!
My purpose is pretty clear--my SAHD life is now dead and I am gonna resurrect my career and work work work...I have been longing to do this since she freaked about me not pulling my weight. lesson learned. Taking some pride in what my hands can do. Ok nightclubs here I come!

[rayzzz]

"keeping the road home, paved and smooth" i see this phrase alot. what does it mean here?

[Thornton]

You did good Rayzzz.

Keeping the road home paved and smooth means to not backslide. Make yourself a person that only a fool would leave.

I see that you are now planning to go dark. That's good. She needs to miss you before she can see what she gave up.

I went dark for 30 days before I heard from WAW. It was brutal. I've received a few friendly texts since then but haven't heard from her in a week. It's hard to do, but I think it's necessary.

[adinva]

Keeping the road home paved and smooth means not making it undesirable to come back if he decides he wants to. That may include avoiding shaming, trying not to look miserable, fixing what you need to, and allowing him space to figure things out himself.

[rayzzz]

Any vets wanna chime in? Thx!

Re: going dark with kids
So really want to hit pitch black and since it is only day two I want to establish this right at the getgo: so how do we do it effectively with kids.
Do I set up a set time the kids can talk to me, every evening or let them skype /FaceTime and phone Dad when they want?
On Gal:
Ok so I had fun dancing with my friends and all the twenty year olds. I swear the hipsters thought we were chaperoning our own "children" there lol. Ah well sometimes GALing isn't pretty right. But I am sure I showed off some great 90s dance moves!
As well it sure was surreal waking up with no kids in the morning but even though I felt the loneliest I have ever felt I am pretty spiritual and felt God closer to me than I ever have in my life. Now I am gonna do our last minute clean with WAW and then bike around the city and figure out some other low cost GALs.
So far my PMA is going ok and I am trying to be 180chipper but I am coming across a little serious with a smile here and there. A sad hard time for us all but I need to remember as long as their is this love in my heart for her I can honour my vows (keep myself only for her and not to any other tempting woman) and know there is hope....even if is hard to see.