WAW...Again, Part II

[stumps]

Had a little interaction with W last night that I think exemplifies the differences in the way people communicate... and the importance of saying what you mean and asking explicitly for what you want.

I was sitting on our love seat watching TV when W got home from work. She plopped down and stretched out on our sofa and said "You're welcome to join me over here if you want." I thanked her, but stayed where I was because although I appreciated her consideration, I knew she had had a long night at work and that she likes to stretch out on the sofa to give her legs a rest after being on her feet all night.

Well, about an hour later she turned to me from her place on the sofa and said in a mock sobbing voice "Stumps, why are you way over there when I asked you to sit with me, don't you want to be with me?!" I smiled and chuckled a little bit and then got up and came over and sat down next to her and said that of course I wanted to sit with her, but that in my mind I was giving her space to relax and--more to the point--I interpret "you're welcome to join me if you want" differently from "please come join me/I want you to join me." W paused for a moment and then said "you know, you are totally right. What I wanted was for you to come sit with me, but I asked in a way that didn't make that clear."

So, not that this is some earth-shattering revelation or anything, but it did make me realize that this is a common sort of dynamic...at least in W's and my communication. Guess I can't speak for anyone else. But I know that W and I have often misinterpreted the things we say to each other, and the best defense against that is to say exactly what we mean, and to not make assumptions, and to ask for clarification when necessary.

In other news, W and the kids leave for Oregon tomorrow, where they will be staying for a week to visit the part of W's family that lives there. I'll be staying home to work some overtime and will also use the opportunity to hang out with some friends and get some extra work done around the house. Will probably do some festivities with the neighbors for the 4th of July too.

I haven't said anything about missing W when she's gone in the days leading up to their departure (mentioned missing the kids a couple of times though). Today while I was making lunch W did another of her pretend sobbing things and said "aren't you going to miss me when I'm gone?!" I told her that of course I was going to miss her, as this will be the longest we've been apart in the 10 years we've been married, but that I was excited for her and the kids to have this great trip and that's what I wanted to be the focus, not me being home without her and the kids. Then, because it felt completely organic and wasn't something that I thought about or agonized over, I told her I loved her and hoped she had a great time, and that although I had tons to do to keep me busy when they were gone, I would be eager for her to get back home too. I had said "I love you" without any expectations of it being reciprocated, but to my surprise W said "I love you too" in return. It all felt very natural...like an expression of our feelings without any expectations attached to them. I think that's about the best I can hope for at this stage.