Re: the separation... easier said than done, right? You outlined the positive things that can come from it, but there are still s*cky things about it - missing the regular contact and the little things, missing that built-in "support" (even if they weren't being super-supportive at the end, there was still some aspect of them that we could count on to be there), missing milestones and events together that you can't get back. It s*cks. There were positives about our relationships, otherwise w wouldn't be on this site! But, if you're not there and he still finds he's unhappy, then it can no longer be all about you and it may just force him to start looking at himself. Something that helps me: I think about how if my outcomes either being separated for some period of months and then get back together, or just end it all right now not knowing what could have happened if I just gave it some time, I'd rather end up with the first option.
Re: the OW, yep, no point in pondering it too much or asking if he's still in contact until things change and he wants to reconcile and wants to put in the effort. THEN you could talk about transparency, asking for confirmation that he understands how this hurt you, demonstration that he does care about you, etc. I don't know that you have to assume anything about their relationship right now - there may be one, there may not be, but it doesn't impact anything you're doing unless he says he wants to come back or work on things with you. Your answer to yourself sounds spot-on
Me:30 H:29, no kids T:12, M:4 (when D was final) 12/13: "Don't think I want to be M anymore" 6/14: Separated (I move) 1/15: H filed for D 5/15: D final
