I want my H to love me, let me love him, and commit to working on our M but I've been doing this so long that I no longer want to fight for it anymore. I want to be happy. I want a stable life and home. I want a fulfilling relationship. I guess I've been especially sad lately because I realized... I don't want to do this anymore. I'm tired. I don't want to abandon my H... But I feel like I don't have a choice. He's pushing me away and at the same time giving me just enough that I could stay stuck in this situation for years to come maddeningly hopeful that things will work out. I'm a time person. But what does it say about how much I love myself and how I allow others to treat me if I stay here and keep doing this? What kind of example am I setting? There's doing the honorable thing and then there's being foolish. I think I've crossed that line... a long time ago. Two years ago. I want the f-ck out of this situation. I'm grieving the end of my M... again. And I need this to be the last time.
