Regarding the talk, I didn't expect anything different from W, but wanted her to know where I'm at. I don't want to wait 'til I'm Done, and then have her be surprised with papers.
So, it was something I needed to do for me.
Plus, if I hold my feelings in too long I'm more liable to blow up and make things much worse. Better to plan something constructive ahead of time, and bring it up at the best opportunity, while we are getting on well. My DB coach even suggested this a long time ago.
Until last week, I've always avoided R talks. I always waited until W initiated. One time, she even told me: "Since it seems you don't have the balls to bring it up, I guess I'll have to grow a pair and do it" <<<ok, that was quite a while ago, but still...
I'm not going to lose myself in this. I'm just going to be me. I know I'm a good deal for W. If she doesn't want the new me, that's ok. Like you, I also do not fear a life without my W. I think it is important for us to get to where we are, and show our strength, if we expect our W's to ever be attracted to us again. No woman wants a weak man. I will DB, but will not STFU.
I believe W was happy after the talk because she needed it as much as I did. Remember, we still live together and do things together, everyday. How long can we avoid the elephant in the room before it starts to cause it's own problems?
And her response was more positive than it was in the past. Less anger at me, much less conviction on being Done, Done, Done.
One thing I forgot to mention was that at dinner, after our R talk, W complimented me on a major life achievement from many years ago. Considering she was just mini bombing me a hour prior, I considered this another sign that she's still in this, and that feelings can still turn around.
I agreed with the other DB'ers regarding the PT, and posted a few pages back that I have pulled back on this.
Can I hold out another 3 years if it comes to that? I think so. Especially if there's no A, or things don't get worse.
Last edited by ForeverYoung; 06/29/1405:38 AM.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
