Make it a personal goal to not contact her during that entire time. When/if she contacts you, do not always be available. Keep your replies polite and happy, but brief.
Good luck to you!
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
Tomorrow big day.. leaving our home to go back to my mums until she decides what she wants.. going to be about a month and a half...
A month and half for what?! That illusive deadline is dangerous for you and your M. Drop that deadline. View this as a process as it won't be exactly linear.
Ok wonka flexibility let me say 3 mmonhs so anything sooner its better and if anything longer than a month it wont affect me...
Btw she was saying stuff such as she wants it to work.. she doesnt want to start over again.. but she feels our relationship needs this break.. she says shes scared of being hurt.. she says that she expects me and her to keep contact and when she said she wants to be by herself and what not she said out of anger.. she said she expects me to see her aswell and I said maybe we shouldnt she said but then we will drift apart.. do you not want us to work out.. I said I do but its come to a point where its up to you.. do whatever you want.. the balls in your court...
I said I do but its come to a point where its up to you.. do whatever you want.. the balls in your court...
Not so fast, buddy. You have TONS and TONS of litter to sweep on YOUR side of the street. This is exactly what your W was alluding to you in convos with her. She's looking to see if you've made any changes and if they're consistent.
You've barely done any changes. Use the time apart to work on you and become the better man. Heck, if I were you, I'd look to Prince William as the model. [I'm using this example as you are in the UK] Never mind the trappings of royalty, he's bang on when he openly declared his priorities in an interview shortly after the birth of Prince George:
My priorities are Catherine and George. And of course Lupo.
Know what's made me an even more ardent admirer of Prince William? He's also backed up his words with ACTIONS. He's a real husband!! The real deal in that arena.
Keep in mind too that being a real husband is being there for your wife (and down the road, your kids) while living a strong, independent life for yourself. ie. you've got your own life and you choose to share it with your wife, not drop yours and live hers.
Me: 31, W: 29 T: 4 M: 2 Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3) Separated, still living together: Nov 2013 Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014 W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
"I think she may have a pre mid life crisis kinda thing because she says she had to grow up early as she didnt have family.. got married she wants to live her youth.. shes planning a holiday with her mates.. making me angry.. I think she may have an acute case of gigs"
That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. You keep coming up with these "theories" that aren't even true. The fact is that she's 21! She's STILL in her youth. Going out with her friends on vacation is what 21 year olds do. "making me angry" - she's not "making" you angry. YOU are making yourself feel angry.
You have no one to blame but yourself. It seems as if you still haven't learned to take responsibility for your actions. In fact, I was surprised to hear you say that you wanted to leave her. I guess you think you're a real prize.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
"I think she may have a pre mid life crisis kinda thing because she says she had to grow up early as she didnt have family.. got married she wants to live her youth.. shes planning a holiday with her mates.. making me angry.. I think she may have an acute case of gigs"
That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. You keep coming up with these "theories" that aren't even true. The fact is that she's 21! She's STILL in her youth. Going out with her friends on vacation is what 21 year olds do. "making me angry" - she's not "making" you angry. YOU are making yourself feel angry.
You have no one to blame but yourself. It seems as if you still haven't learned to take responsibility for your actions. In fact, I was surprised to hear you say that you wanted to leave her. I guess you think you're a real prize.
I guess your right.. no one controls my feelings but myself.. I allowed myself to get angry. They are just feelings I should let them pass..
One thing ive become good at is hidinh my feelings from my W.
I really dont understand why she was talking like that when I was leaving.. I tried to do what mr.bond said which was to say I know what got me here.. etc.. but I didnt have any emotions showingm. Neither happy nor upset..
She was crying I wernt.. I was strong.. I had no reaction just had sympathy for her..
Have not innitiated any contact yet. But she has..
Can I confirm that If she calls and I try to keep it short and she says dont go talk to me.. do I still stay on the phone.. because my W does that.
she sent me a pic of her sleeping with my clothes after I left.. it was cute.. so I replied back 20 mibs later saying awww so cute.. anyways im going sleep now goodnight.
One other thing she said to me is I have to quit smoking this month before I go back.
When she asks to stay on the line, do you feel she NEEDS you or "wants" you? If she's had a rough day at work, a negative interaction with a family member, whatever, she may need your support and it's OK to listen to her concerns and validate. When she's done, you're done and you get off the phone. If she just wants to chat, she's trying to control you because she knows she can do that. You've got your own life, remember? You're a strong, independent man who has better things to do, right? She wanted space and now she's invading yours. You know her better than us so you should be able to tell the difference between a genuine need and controlling behaviour. If you don't, there's something else for you to learn.
How do you feel about quitting smoking?
It's early days but well done on not initiating contact. Read the rules and live them. You CAN do it.
PS. MrBond is right about your feelings and your excuses. Only YOU control what you let affect you and to what degree. There are books for that but for now, keep reading DB/DR. Also, no more excuses; make it a 180.
Me: 31, W: 29 T: 4 M: 2 Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3) Separated, still living together: Nov 2013 Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014 W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
When she asks to stay on the line, do you feel she NEEDS you or "wants" you? If she's had a rough day at work, a negative interaction with a family member, whatever, she may need your support and it's OK to listen to her concerns and validate. When she's done, you're done and you get off the phone. If she just wants to chat, she's trying to control you because she knows she can do that. You've got your own life, remember? You're a strong, independent man who has better things to do, right? She wanted space and now she's invading yours. You know her better than us so you should be able to tell the difference between a genuine need and controlling behaviour. If you don't, there's something else for you to learn.
How do you feel about quitting smoking?
It's early days but well done on not initiating contact. Read the rules and live them. You CAN do it.
PS. MrBond is right about your feelings and your excuses. Only YOU control what you let affect you and to what degree. There are books for that but for now, keep reading DB/DR. Also, no more excuses; make it a 180.
definitely a want.. seriously dont know why she was saying stuff such as What I mentioned..
