Long term marriage - husband quit!

[bugsby]

No, maybe I miswrote, "getting my power back" to me means I'm not so dependent on his attentions and love that I crumble when he withdraws it.

I mean it in a humble sense of self.
to recap:
8 weeks ago = big fight = He's done. (Daughters 18th birthday)
First 2.5 weeks = pleading and begging by me
Second 3 weeks = no pleading but "convincing" him to stay.
Next 3 weeks = He told me @ 2 weeks ago he is "talking" to someone. I have been 100% complete 180 since. To be truthful, one night I broke and cried and begged.

I went on vacation to "breathe" - 10 days + him out of country 7 days. Almost 3 weeks of no contact - except short text. Have followed 180 to the BEST of my ability.

But have had to set some boundaries.
#1. I am not ready to divorce. I know who I am and what I believe in. - (He was pushing like mad for a divorce from week 2.5)
Boundary #2. As long as OW/Girlfriend/someone he's "talking to" in the picture, AT ALL there will be no talk about "us". (He never wants to talk about "us" anyway, unless it is a tear down of me..)
We still live in same house (tho he is rarely here - stays at friends (co-workers) I think.).
In 8 weeks I have not lost my temper/name called/used contempt or complain. I will not argue in anger = this infuriates him, has from day one.
I have prayed, meditated, journaled, educated myself, exercised and tore myself down to the core for the last few months. No one who knows me can believe my patience and attitude.

I go from hopeless to sad. Nothing seems to be making an impression. The 180 has been noted, but used against me as "ignoring him" ( I think he means ignoring his desires for a divorce!). He sees any effort I put into communication as "manipulation".

He says I will not change. Tho I think this other woman is probably the real issue. As long as that lasts, I am in the dog house. His words are so cruel. I don't know how long I can do this.....

Is there a recommended time for this? I have been thru 8 weeks, have been 180 at least two solid weeks, plan on trying for another 4 months.. then re evaluate my situation.

Heck, even our priest (who has saved me with direction in prayer) told me tonight to put a limit on my suffering. When I can't see myself putting up with any more to end it.