Long term marriage - husband quit!

[bugsby]

Hello!

This weekend will mark 8 weeks since "the blow up". He is still in the negative, has not moved out, but almost is never home. Having a conflict as to weather go no contact with him, or keep up 180 when I see him.

Last week he was in Germany, I thought he texted about "putting things together". I was elated, saw this as an olive branch. When we talked that night, he did nothing but same old, yelling, anger "this is all your fault!" verbally abusive diatribe.
I was more than heart broken!

I sent him a letter (I apologized for a 2 am pleading message, I was really torn by the hope/despair of the day.)
I told him (flat out) that even tho I did not want him to move out, I was NOT going to approach relationship talk with him. I used the prior evenings melt down as an example as to why this was unhealthy for me.

I 180'd the best I could. Without anger, set boundaries and was very concise. I also re directed a lot of his blaming on his actions, not his person, not me, our daughters or the universe. I asked him to understand the pain that we all are experiencing.

Not a word until today, he came home from work trip. I asked him to mow the lawn (3 acres) so I knew he would be by sometime.
I had the house looking sharp, had my hair and light makeup, had on tank top and short shorts (lost 40 pounds - all most too skinny) and was headed out to the store when he showed.

He changed and started mowing, I got my purse and waved from the porch, he ignored me. I got in my car to go, he pulled up, incredulous and asked where I was going?
He said "I saw you yelling at me!" (?) I said "I was waving goodby! Used a smile and went to store."

Returned bottles, picked up pop, went home, got gas cans, went to get diesel. Came home with those, he called me into house.
Said he was upset being in house (I said I'm sorry you feel like that.)
He asked if he should move out, (I said no)
He started tearing into me about everything I was not, I said
"As long as you have a girlfriend, OW, "talking to" whatever -
there will be no discussion of "us" -period."
Stopped there.

I started packing suit, sun lotion, towel and hoodie in bag. Nicely mentioned to him I was going boating. WITH WHO? I looked at him. "Oh, so I can't know who with? Since your note, you are not giving me details?"

"Well, where are you spending your nights?" I calmly came back with.. End of discussion. So I happily left a very slack jawed spouse sitting in the living room.

Have not heard a word. Really went to church. felt good to get some of my power back.