Part of the job of the DBing spouse is to be as attractive as possible, right? Brush your hair and teeth, make an effort to smile and be pleasant. Don't be over the top effusive, but put your best foot forward at all times, right?
Okay. I got that. Gussy myself up a little bit.
Don't wear the sweats and put my hair in a ponytail all the time. Check.
As for the 180s....If you HAD been doing all of the housework (okay - let's just say that you shelled fresh pistachios for your spouse every morning for breakfast and made their tea) - do you just STOP doing that? That would shake things up. It would definitely be different. But if they asked, "Why?" - What's the answer?
OR - does it just make sense to GAL and get out of bed and out of the house to an exercise class early in the morning and simply NOT prepare any breakfast?
My spouse has declared that I was the perfect wife. He loved his life before. He has even told me (recently!) that he was HAPPIER a year ago (before he actively sought out a "friend"). So I agree - clearly something wasn't working. How perfect could life have been?
I'm going to re-read the sections on 180s, but I feel the same as CQ. If I 180 everything I go from being kind wife to pretty mean wife.
Tricky for me, too, because the one complaint that he's told me of is that I wasn't attached enough to him...I gave him TOO MUCH space. I didn't watch tv with him on the couch at night, or play games with him, rather electing to do my own thing. So...that IS something that I've 180ed on (now I sit with him at night, rather than doing the dishes or reading a book...).
