I tend to allow others to give me my self worth (especially Xbf) & not to be responsible for it on my own. Yes, I know I am lucky to be attractive & thin at this stage in life
I understand more than you know. But here's my question.....what about in another 20 yrs? When you look in the mirror and see some old woman you don't know.
It's not easy to see youth and beauty leave! Suddenly, you discover you're a senior citizen and when you walk down the mall everywhere you look are clothes/pictures advertising for younger, attractive bodies. Just observe on your next shopping trip and see if stores have big posters of old women modeling their swimwear. Of course not, nobody wants to see that! You cannot base your worth on your attractiveness. Why? B/c the day will eventually come when it's gone. Will that mean your value is gone too?
If you don't find some means of helping yourself find your own value, I dare say you will be vulnerable to having your own MLC, and turning to male attention to receive admiration, hoping to feel better. If you don't have something else to ground you.....something inside you that demands respect, you will crash & burn.
I think my mother had allowed her self worth to partly come from my dad. I didn't know it until he died and began seeing a less confident woman. Which, I suppose, could be natural in some ways. I have seen pictures of my mother in her young adulthood, and she was not just beautiful.....she was gorgeous! I grew up believing she had more spunk, pride, will-power & drive than anyone I had ever known. (Unless it was her mother.) At 88 she survived a stroke, and the day she was able to walk over to the mirror and see herself, she shook her head in disbelief and said, "I look like an old woman!". She had to live 88 yrs and suffer a stroke....but old age finally caught up with even her. And you know, I think it hit her kind of hard b/c she had always looked so young and attractive. I don't know why I told this story, it just was on my mind.
I wish I could tell you how or what to do, Magic, to have a deeper sense of self-worth. Maybe you are becoming more aware......with the board pointing out some self-defeating behaviors. I know of one valuable life that was given for you. To Him, you were worth it.........but that is my belief. It is what you believe that makes the difference.
I think there is some reason. I think something or someone caused you to feel so rejected and undesired that you bought it as being the truth. You gave that person or experience the power to shred your self-worth. It came with a high price, didn't it?
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
She had to live 88 yrs and suffer a stroke....but old age finally caught up with even her. And you know, I think it hit her kind of hard b/c she had always looked so young and attractive. I don't know why I told this story, it just was on my mind. 