"I then made us some coffee and opened up the Big Subject: "I'd like to discuss US."
gulp!!.......picking myself up off the floor
Okay, did you expect anything different than the answers you got from W? For me there is a reason DB process states don't initiate the R talks a) its pressure b) it forces W to go through the whole why she's binned you speech thereby reminding her why she does not want a r with you c) its like BD all over again.
But there are positives, she confirmed you have done a sterling job of keeping things comfortable enough so that she is not bolting out the door! So she does not feel pressure....which is good...but you kinda knew that already without the talk didn't you...hence her still being at home?
The other thing is the trust issue....its why in one of your earlier posts I had to agree with some of the comments re backrubs etc etc etc being a form of pressure. Has she ever asked for these from you or do you always initiate? I don't want to raise that whole issue up again from earlier (I didn't read the whole piece on that so apologies if I repeat anything) but......if you really think about it you are doing it for a response. Even a thank-you, hoping to get her feeling comfortable with more PT etc etc. IDK I will leave that one up to you but when your W still mentions trust issues related to a sexual incident (even though she says she forgave you) I would back right off on PT.
"Funny thing is, after our 30-40 minute conversation, W perked up and got happier"...I imagine because the whole conversation made her feel uncomfortable? like phew, I'm glad we got that out of the way'?
How did you think the conversation went, am I being a bit negative?
I still think you are doing great and sorry if I have only picked up on half a story here.
Don't try and force her to come out of this, you have a lot of positives going for the sitch and I still have a good feeling about yours.......remember its still only 2.5 years.......think you can sit it out for another 3?
