Hey FY, its been a long time! thanks for stopping by
I have kept looking in on your sitch....we were warned this was a long haul!
"What do you want? Although you didn’t come out and say it, I’m reading that you’re open to R".
Even though I took a break from the boards and dropped the rope, I never stopped the process, still working on me, still looking at ways to better myself etc. So yes, I am open to R, I think the main difference now is that rather than accepting anything to make the M work (which I probably would have done a while back), if W wants me she is going to have to put in her work as well. But that is all hypothetical at the moment as I think we are far away from R, in fact D is the more likely option at the moment.
"You can’t avoid relationship talks forever, (I initiated one this week, after a year!)" True, but I am still keeping to the process, if she wants me she can initiate the R talks, if she wants D she can initiate the process. Unless of course I am through, in which case I will file. I am keeping all pressure off, getting on with my life and watching the soap opera from a distance.
"and no matter if you guys are moving towards D or new M, you’ll need a good connection since you share a child"
The co-parenting thing is working well, we will always have a connection where kids are concerned and throughout the process I have focussed on myself and S (except perhaps the blip where I actually considered moving abroad for 12mths! Glad I saw sense on that one!). If anything I am starting to have some concerns over time W spends with S, but I do what's within my control and make my time with him as precious and enjoyable as possible.
I think my main issue is not being sure how I realise when she is starting to see sense. There have been signs where I think she is coming out of replay, but she is fighting it! Some weekends she looks dreadful, greasy hair, PJ's on, basically dead beat, others its like she has taken happy pills! She has also reconnected with relatives she has not seen for ages. Even just today was showing off my new (toned) body to her nephew who was around when I picked S up. The other week I had slept in my contact lenses and one of my eyes was red, the fuss she made over me when I picked S up was way OTT!
My guess is she has been in MLC now for around 3 years as with hindsight the signs were there way before BD!
So, in short yes, I want R, but I no longer fear D and a life without W. But I suppose am wary of trying to build a connection for fear of getting my fingers burned! and I also want to keep any pressure completely off.
BTY FY, I am sending you a purple heart for initiating the R talk you are a braver man than me!
