Dealing with an ongoing affair

[pilot]

Ok here is where the value of detaching really makes a difference. First, asking her to change her vacation is pursuing. So do not do that. I know its your birthday and anniversary but forget about that for now. She does not want to celebrate your anniversary nor your birthday. Maybe those are painful days to her (no mind reading, just suggesting). In the large scheme of things those two days are just days. The day you R will be more important to you than either of those days ever would have been. So work towards getting to that day.

I know its tough. But really really work on detaching. I cannot stress enough how much your life and your situation will improve once you do. At that point, you will not care if she is gone for your bday, for your anniversary, or for christmas. Because you have your own life, and if she is lucky, she gets to participate. Once you reach that mindset you have a much better chance at making your M work.