Game Over for Accuray, it's been a good ride

[TeaEarlGreyHot]

I am really saddened to read this. However, I've been where you are. The difference was my former wife was not willing to put her affair on hold and I think it was as important to the OM to get as fully in her life, just so she wouldn't necessarily look back or want to reconcile.

Today is my ex-wife's birthday and it was 30 years ago, today, that I discovered her affair. It was just a few days later that I revealed my awareness of it (the word "confronted" seems a little too incorrect, because the lack of confrontation actually allowed the exposure of just how serious and difficult this was going to become).

I empathize with you for your handling of fatherhood in the face of all of this. I say that I became a better father because of the experience because it shook me to my core and had me rearrange my priorities in life. Of course, I thought it would have been better had I/we been able to go through that discovery together, but that was never in the cards.

I believe that you will come out okay on the other side of all of this. The fact that your sense is that you gave it your all and that you didn't hold back will serve you well. But be mindful of this...that knowledge that even giving all you can give might not be enough for another person can also make it easier for you to walkaway. You can develop a sense of this: "if giving all that I can makes no difference, then why bother?"

That won't show up in your relationship with your children in all likelihood. But it may turn up in future relationships. Sometimes nothing we do makes any difference and that tends to run counter to what we've believed for most of our lives.

I wish you good sailing and calm waters in your future. There will be tough times, you can count on that. And there is "the other side" to be reached and you have the tools to accomplish that.

Your friend,
The Captain