A newcomer to the forums and am a 3 month 180'er

[Jessa]

Hi Everyone!

I have been implementing the 180 on my own since March, 2014.
I am going to have individual telephone coaching therapy this week.

I have been married for 12 years. We have an autistic son. I have completed the papers with my lawyer, but have not served my husband yet.

I am doing the 180 for me and me alone. I am the only one who can fix me.

I have no idea if this 180 will work or if my husband will ever decide to change too. This takes a long time!
But one thing is clear, I am doing this for me. If he comes around, then that's a bonus, but frankly I am busting butt for myself and not him. I have this outlook because I never want to wait on him again. I have life to live. And I am beautiful, smart and full of laughter and fun! About time I started living that way, huh?

I love the 180 and NEVER knew I could be so happy!
I haven't felt this wonderful since college.

I rock a dress and red lipstick each day! I buy my dresses 2nd hand! $5.00 for Audrey Hepburn style dresses. To say I am obsessed with dresses is an understatement lol. I always LOVED dresses and red lipstick, but did not wear them. I do now! Not enough days and too many dresses lol.

I have a job that I love now and am working toward a life I always knew I could get and deserved!

This 180 is hard work! I WISH I had found the 180 sooner. But God gave it to me at the right time.

All the therapists before told me the opposite of what I am doing now.

The 180 is a blessing beyond imagination.

I am still learning and implementing and becoming consistent. It's sort of like building a new car. I am excited!

Have an awesome day y'all!

[Cadet]

Welcome to the board

Get out and GAL.

DETACH.

Believe none of what he says and half of what he does.

Have NO EXPECTATIONS.

Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.

You are on moderation right now on the forum.
SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it.

Your H is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.

USE it wisely.

Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon

[RiverRat812]

I am doing the 180 for me and me alone. I am the only one who can fix me.

I have no idea if this 180 will work or if my husband will ever decide to change too. This takes a long time!
But one thing is clear, I am doing this for me. If he comes around, then that's a bonus, but frankly I am busting butt for myself and not him. I have this outlook because I never want to wait on him again. I have life to live. And I am beautiful, smart and full of laughter and fun! About time I started living that way, huh?

From reading all the positive statements you've made about yourself, your 180 is working. You are changing in a healthy, positive way.

As for him... Let it go and detach. Breathe and don't worry. What will be, will be. And when it's finally time, you will be so much better off that no matter what happens, you will be alright with it. But I think you already know that.

[Eatsma]

Jessa -

You are inspiring! (Seriously - you made me want to go shopping for some new fun clothes.....Inspiring!)

Seriously - this seems like a great 180. I've been in a funk so long I don't know how to get out of it. This seems like a good start! Gussy myself up a little bit, smile like I used to....

My IC yesterday and I were talking about how I am exactly where I am supposed to be on my life's journey. There's a line in the poem "Desiderata" that says, "Whether or not it is clear to you, the universe is unfolding as it should." We talked about that a little bit. I told her that I know what I HAVE to do right now, but I don't WANT TO!!! She laughed.

And that's the truth. I'm looking into the darkness of the future that I didn't know was mine. It's so different from the life I thought I was living...although--maybe it ISN'T so different, actually. But it's my path, and I've got to walk it. Might as well do it with some fun clothes, bright lipstick, and some sass!

Seriously - thanks for the upbeat post. It's a good way to start my day!

[Jessa]

MLP,

I can relate so much to: I'm looking into the darkness of the future that I didn't know was mine. It's so different from the life I thought I was living...although--maybe it ISN'T so different, actually. But it's my path, and I've got to walk it."

I too never imagined being married to a person who only has his own best interests in mind.

I loved what you said: "Might as well do it with some fun clothes, bright lipstick!"

I am SO glad to have found Savers, my local thrift shop. They have amazingly beautiful clothes. I can afford to get some beautiful things.

You are awesome! Don't forget that

[Cadet]

Afternoon All!

I have been 180'ing since March, 2014 and feel wonderful! Getting my life together, and moving on.

I am 100% ready to file. All the paperwork is done and everything I need to put in place for my life is in place.

But...He is starting to try to act like a decent human again. Not a lot, but small things.

So, I told my husband that I am putting the papers on hold, because he is showing small encouraging things.

We tried to spend time together this past weekend, but by Sunday I felt sick to my stomach being around him.

He's still a bitter, unhealthy mess of a man.

I can not "save" that man. And I can't wait around for that man-child to wake up.

As much as I do not ideally want a divorce, I think it's time to see the writing on the wall.


He's gross. Just gross.

I can do SO SO much better.

I just wanted to get it out there.

If that is what you want then file.

[oad]

Jessa im glad you feel so happy and motivated, you seem like a firecracker!!!! looks like the 180 is working for you very well, and it seems your H must be noticing. good luck to you!!

[bashy]

Heh Jessa. You have inspired me from your most recent post. I've been feeling down these last few days but you are a ray of light.
I think of my WAW as the centre of the universe. That I'll never meet anyone as beautiful as her ever again. Maybe I wont! But reading what you have written is wonderful.
I think I need to get to work....

[Sam3]

Jessa,

You have such a wonderful attitude! It's contagious. I'm not sure of your exact stitch but it sounds like you are doing great!

[Oxford1]

MLP,

I can relate so much to: I'm looking into the darkness of the future that I didn't know was mine. It's so different from the life I thought I was living...although--maybe it ISN'T so different, actually. But it's my path, and I've got to walk it."

I too never imagined being married to a person who only has his own best interests in mind.

I loved what you said: "Might as well do it with some fun clothes, bright lipstick!"

I am SO glad to have found Savers, my local thrift shop. They have amazingly beautiful clothes. I can afford to get some beautiful things.

You are awesome! Don't forget that

This strikes a chord with me. I always put my WW needs and wants before mine. Her OM is needy, self centered and I found out that he's known among his peers as a megalomaniac ...oh and I used to try and show my wife that he was exactly like your husband (see underline)

I wish she could hear from you what living with a man like this is really like.
good luck, your a real inspiration !