I guess I have one more thing to write to close out a long day, 13 hours at work and then came and did some stuff to get ready for tomorrow. It's going to be a long day and I have to watch myself with the W, although we probably will have little interaction. My only focus will be on being the best dad I can be to my D.
Something I learned about time my first time DB'ing is that not only is it a gift and one that should be used wisely, it's also something that seems like it will be in abundance but in fact really isn't.
What do I mean?
I went from DB'ing to R in a few short months. I reached a lot of the goals I set out for myself at the time. Some were silly, like I learned to make my own sushi. Some were deadly serious, I maintained my sobriety throughout my S. Some were elementary, I got healthier in both body and mind. But by the time I was back in the R, a lot of my time was put into the M and not into the thing I should have kept working on... me. In retrospect, I think a little fear push me towards the R too soon. I won't make that same mistake twice.
I'm not going to fret about the time this go round. I know a minute feels like an hour, an hour like a day, a day like a week and so on. I'm making an effort to slow down and savor the time I have. That may sound odd giving my predicament but trying to speed up the clock is counterproductive. Hoping the time will pass faster is futile. It's a marathon and not a fifty yard dash and I'm pacing myself for the long haul.
Is it that I don't feel the pain, emptyness and the loss? I do but I'm not going to let them consume me any more. Living under the same roof and trying to work through stuff was harder that being apart. I have absolute clarity now, where before it was all muddy and confusing.
I'm just going to work on being a good ME. And what will be, will be.
Me: 43 Her: 37 D: 4 T: 20 years M: 15 years 1st Separation: 12/20/06 Drew up papers for D: 9/15/07 Reconciled: 11/1/07
