[BrightFuture]

Job, thanks, you are always so thoughtful to wish me a safe trip to my vacation home. A number of people in my life said the same thing, that H is lucky to have me. He is the only one who doesn’t think so. Oh, and maybe his sister… I don’t know exactly what she said, only from H’s words. She said that she was surprised that we were still together, before the BD of course.

FY, I absolutely agree with you.

I believe our spouses Awakening is absolutely a catalyst for us to re-evaluate our life, decide what's important, what we want... an opportunity to grow!

Yes, as a result of my H’s crisis, I view the life in a completely different light now. It still hurts though to think that I waisted my time in a relationship that ended like this. This is what I didn’t want to happen to me again, ever. I thought my H (second H) was the one who I would be with for rest of my life, good times or bad times. I’m still picking up the pieces of the broken dreams.

Trip to the vacation home went well. I had a good time with all the friends. I went to the ocean with my dog every day and enjoyed warm water. There was almost no mention of H in all the conversations. My GF brought up her cousin again and I just listened. Boy, she still has a lot of anger towards her cousin and what she did (tried to have an affair with my H.)

H has been missing in action for more than 2 weeks now, since he signed up for that dating website. There is no activity there though. I guess he might be quite entertained and busy with the FIFA world cup. My BIL (sister’s H) said that he received a bunch of texts from H regarding the games, etc. H is a big soccer fan, so is my BIL.

My other BIL (H’s brother) sent me an e-mail with the info about a woman who worked with him for a number of years. Both I and H know this woman, she used to be at the holiday parties and at the football games with us a lot. She took her life last week. She was always so bubbly and positive. She left a teenage son and a H. I know that a few years ago she was talking about her H cheating on her and she might need to D him. I don’t know if this is what caused her to make this awful decision. I noticed that my BIL used H’s e-mail which he is no longer using. So, I forwarded the e-mail to H. No response so far. I wonder if this news depressed him. After all, she was a happy, outgoing, positive woman. Not like H’s “negative” W (me)…

I’ve been very busy at work, hardly have any time to read the posts here. I will try to catch up. I’ve been doing mostly ok, except I feel tired and don’t want to do anything after work. I’m ok with that for now.

I don’t know when I will be ready to drop the rope. I’m just wondering how long H is going to keep it status quo and not file. His Playboy magazine (renewed subscription) just showed up at the house. Lucky for him, because I was thinking to forward him his mail this weekend, because his car registration was also sent to the house. The rest of it is probably a junk mail, which he asked me not to send to him. But, I’m not going to do the sorting for him, I’m sending all of it. This is my boundary. Baby steps towards dropping the rope.