"Man The F*** Up" The Ultimate 180

[25yearsmlc]

Yes although filing was more for my own sanity. Despite maintaining she wanted it and was going to do it, she never claimed to have time or money to do so.

FYI, a third (1/3) divorces filed, never get completed.
People change their mind or they misused the filing process in the first place....

and their bluff gets called...I have to wonder how many of the ones that DO get finalized, might not have, if no one had jumped the gun.

I think if you really were driven so insane that you needed to move on, then it's fine to file -- and be done.

But what I see now, and believe, is that you filed for divorce as a tactic of manipulation (again), and or b/c you were angry.

I say that b/c if you were sure and really done, you would not now hesitate.

To be clear, I don't think you should use the word or the action of filing for divorce, as a tool of manipulation again - or you'll find yourself very divorced.

If you want a reconciliation then why file at all?
See, that really sounds like a geotactic b/c you are waiting around "for a few weeks" for....what? Oh, to see what SHE does or does not do...= TACTIC.

Not you being "done".


I'm going to wait a few weeks and not rush that final paperwork.

IF you feel there is hope and or you want to reconcile and think it's possible, then I would think you'd wait a lot longer than that.

Waiting a few WEEKS is not the same as "not rushing".

But you say you have been at this in some form (her wanting out and you pursuing, and then saying you are "done" and then stalling...) for a LONG time.

2 years or 18 months? I mean, from when she first gave the ILBINILWY, how long has it been? In any event, you still need to BE the man you always wanted to be ASAP and not care if she notices.

If you are done, OR if you feel it's hopeless now, and you want to move on (a different form of being "done") then go ahead and do what you must. Just make A choice and live with it....either keep standing, which means do nothing to further the D process AND GAL and Detach...

or finish the Div process and move forward GAL and Detaching...

I hope you notice that regardless of which choice you make re the M, your overall course of action is the same.

You must GAL and that's needed to Detach, which is the other task you must face.


I had a difficult day yesterday that means I really will have to focus on me.
I may possibly have some skin cancer that is postponing my move due to treatment.

We'll see how those tests go.


I'm sorry to hear that. That's a bummer. I'm not clear on this^^ however. You are getting the tests and THEN you'll find out the treatment?

So, how does this effect your move? I mean, If it is cancer and has not spread, They remove the growths, and if it has spread - that still would not prevent you from driving to a treatment facility. Red, Be careful not to let your fears run wild with you.

Seriously...be careful or it'll reek of tactics and seeking sympathy from your w. Be as self sufficient as possible, b/c at times like this (i.e. if it were to be a cancerous skin lesion), she'd be FAR more impressed by you NOT reaching out to her...it's sort of an opportunity to show the new man you are becoming.

make sense? In any event, it won't be a big delay. When do you find out the test results?



So far as my wife goes, I have completely let go now. I do still love her with all my heart. The events of the last 18 months haven't changed that.
She knows how to contact me.

Yes she does. So there is NO need to contact her.


If she does, she'll find a much happier guy


That's great...

and if she does NOT contact you, you'll still be a much happier guy, right?
Because your happiness is not connected to what SHE is doing or saying or thinking or looking at or feeling...right??

Okay good...so, what are you DOING to create a more fulfilling, meaningful and happy life for yourself?

((BTW, I read somewhere that "most depression is a lack of purpose...finding a purpose cures a lot of it", and I think there is some truth to that.

Food for thought.))


who can make her happy again.

RED ALERT....RED ALERT...DO NOT PASS GO...DO NOT COLLECT $200...STOP!!

You never "made" her happy. That was never true and it was never your job to do that. No one can "make" someone ELSE happy.


We are in charge of our lives and OUR happiness and no one else's...NO ONE ELSE is responsible for making US happy and No one else can...

Please please realize this and let it sink in.

If you still believe that someone else makes you happy...OR that you can "make" someone other than yourself happy, or that it's anyone's job other than your own,
then you have given away all of your power.

Only you make you happy. And that was always your responsibility and no one else's, and no one else is your responsibility either (except any children you may have...for THEM, you must provide a safe loving home and a loving healthy role model.)

Tell me that you get this^^...please.

And good luck with the skin tests. No freaking out allowed, yet at least.