The fact that H is showing signs of wanting to reconcile is definitely making things much more emotionally challenging for me. It gets my expectations up and then when things don’t go at the pace I want my anxiety starts getting the better of me and I go into desperation mode wanting to push and pressure things along. Last night I got home and had to hide in my room for a while and just cry, facing up to the reality that this is going to take a LONG time and we may never get back together.
Yes. This process will take a long time and there's no real fixed time or deadline. It is a mirage on your part. That is why you get your knickers up in a twist because of whatever "imaginary" deadline is in your head.
A R process is bumpy indeed with fits and starts. Starsky, Bond, Bug, Train, etc all have experienced bumps. What helped them get over the "hump" so to speak was being self-aware and mindful of THEIR OWN attitudes, reactions, and comments.
And guess what? They got back together! So can you and H!!
So can you and H!!